We came to dinner here exactly one million years ago with a group of friends. Or maybe it was 2016 — which might as well be the 1800s. I have very little recollection of that evening other than we were there for hours and drank more than we ate. This was back when we did these types of things — the gang dinner. But, frankly, it was the waning days of such tomfoolery. In these times, we go to quiet anniversary dinners — Ms. Hipster and me — to local restaurants as a duo at a time of evening Hipster Grandparents would have totally appreciated. Our hair isn’t blue, but it might as well be.
As mentioned, I have not much memory of my last visit to Laboratorio, but apparently it’s an Italian joint. Which I suppose I should have known given all the vowels in the name, but for some reason I was thinking it was more of a New American gastronomy type place. Or whatever that’s called when they make tapioca pearls with nitroglycerine. No, that’s dynamite. Liquid nitrogen, that’s it. Maybe because those techniques feel more scientific than creative and the name of this joint is essentially Laboratory. Lab. Science. Molecular gastronomy. Makes sense in my head. But, no, it’s a pretty traditional — but modern — Italian restaurant. Though the interior and general vibe does read more New American. There aren’t any checked tablecloths or candles in wine bottles or anything. Which, of course, is how I still think of Italian restaurants because I grew up with absolutely horrendous Italian food and still think of it as niche cuisine. Even though I haven’t lived in California in decades. But, we walked on over and sat our butts in one of only a couple window seats to enjoy our meal and pretend a Tuesday night could still be special.
Now, we don’t generally eat heavy dinners during the week. Nor do I drink a half bottle of wine. We’re not teetotalers, but anything more than 16 oz. of beer or one glass of vino makes my head pound like I’m in the middle of a high school pep rally. But, hey, its’ an anniversary, I’m going to throw caution to the wind and down some carbs and alcohol on a school night! Like most eateries in Montclair, Laboratorio is BYOB, so we BOOB. Oh no, I did not realize that “brought our own booze” would… Anyhow, we decided to go maximalist and each do our own appetizer. Ms. Hipster went with cheese because she is at least 37% mouse. More specifically, she ordered the house made burrata cheese puttanesca with capers, olives, tomatoes, micro greens and aged balsamic. She was pleased that this was “real” burrata, whatever that means. I did the fig and gorgonzola crostini with local honey, walnut, balsamic syrup and rosemary. In retrospect, I froze up with that decision. This would be a really bad first-date choice, but I made it work. It was decent, but a lot of stuff and too much sweet and the honey was sticky and forced an early trip to the restroom for a thorough hand scrubbing. I honestly have no idea what Ms. Hipster ordered for her main, but I’m going to say pasta? Maybe with some sausage. That sounds like her. I got the paccheri bolognese with basil, tomato sauce and light cream. I’m a sucker for a beef bolognese and this pasta was perfectly cooked and clearly handmade in a way something out of a box couldn’t duplicate. It wasn’t fancy or revolutionary, but it was hearty and tasty and toothsome. Which I believe is a word in the English language. Really, though, is there anything better than good Italian food? I’ll answer: no there is not. We had a slice of cheesecake with some sort of fruit on top (I’m not a fruit guy and may have some sort of fruit blindness) that was of the lighter, ricotta Italian variety and not the cream-cheese-heavy Cheesecake Factory type. Which probably would have put me over the top. As it stood, the wait staff was very nice, the food came out quick (remember it was a Tuesday) and everything was super-solid. We’ll definitely get back here — and this time maybe with another couple — before another decade passes. There’s some mushroom risotto with my name on it.
615 Bloomfield Ave. – Montclair
973/746-6100
thelaboratoriokitchen.com
