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Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

by mr. hipster July 15, 2007
July 15, 2007
Hipster
94

Planning a beach vacation when you’re really not a beach person seems like a losing proposition all around. Planning a vacation to a place that only seems like it should be about the beach, but really isn’t, is more my speed. And that’s why we booked a hotel that was on a mountain side overlooking the ocean (that was actually sans beach), and was within walking distance of all the places where one could acquire cerveza and Ms. Hipster’s one or twice daily ration of chips and guacamole.

That said, the hotel you chose in Puerto Vallarta, at least in the case of our lazy asses, was muy importante. And, boy, did we pick one! The place, and especially the room, was awesome. Hacienda San Angel used to belong to Richard Burton and his wife way back when, and the new owner bought the place and fixed it up with painstaking detail, outfitting it with Mexican antiques and really sprucing the place up with statues and furniture and all sorts of little details–including lighting hundreds of candles every night at dusk to give the place that special feel. Our room, The Celestial Suite, had its own patio with a palapa (like a Gilligan’s Island thatched thing that shades you from the scorching sun) and this view.


I’m not gonna lie and say the place was cheap–and up about two hundred stairs from town–but the majority of our days were spent by one of two pools wondering if 9:30am was too early for a margarita. This next photo about sums up the daylight hours for us. Ms. Hipster’s feet make their Web debut.

 


When we weren’t lounging by the pool, or trying to figure out where to go to drink, we were eating and drinking. Here’s our itinerary from the best of my recollection. My mental notes became worse and worse as the week wore on, and the beer, tequila and sun warped my mind. The last night was a total wash. Although I do recall a Mexican cover band that looked like Soundgarden circa 1992 in an empty bar serenading us with a fabulously accent-y version of U2’s ‘One’ and, by special request, a rockin’ rendition of Pearl Jam’s ‘Black.’

Day 1
Dinner: El Arrayán (decent, casual Mexican food)
After-Dinner Drinks: Zoo Bar (cheesier than all get out. their CD collection seemed to run out around 1993–a re-occurring theme throughout the week)

Day 2
Breakfast: Hacienda San Angel (We ate our complimentary continental breakfast underneath our palapa every day.)
Lunch: La Palapa (beach restaurant with overpriced menu, but strong drinks and friendly service.)
Dinner: Las Palomas (this was a desperation move. It was weirdly sad, but the food was okay.)

Day 3
Lunch: Esquina de las Caprichos (tiny–like four tables–tapas joint right down the street from our hacienda. tasty.)
Drinks: La Bodeguita del Medio (went to grab a few beers after melting in the sun. cool Cuban joint where you can write on the walls.)
Dinner: Si Señor Garden (awful name. but super-friendly and tourist conscience. they love the business, and are very proud of the place. the food was decent, too.)

Day 4
Lunch: La Chata (upstairs, open space right along the ocean. had mole for like the fifth time, and it was surprisingly decent for a place that held little hope for me.)
Dinner: Los Xítomates (bizarro mix of food. had like duck confit tacos with soy sauce and a fish special. very good. met a mariachi guy who claimed to a be a sephardic jew and bought one of his cds that turned to be very pricey. it’s still sitting in my drawer waiting to be played.)

Day 5
Lunch: Las Caletas (used to be John Huston’s home. took a boat and the person sitting next to us got stung by a jelly fish. it was a buffet lunch that was fair, and the beer was awful.)
Dinner: The Red Cabbage Cafe (middle of nowhere cafe is obsessed with Frida Kahlo. had peanut soup, which was interesting. meal was just okay, but Ms. Hipster looooved hers. was empty and a little strange, honestly.)

Day 6
Lunch: At our hacienda
Dinner: Daiquiri Dick’s (the name is misleading; it’s actually a nice place. didn’t need two super-tanker sized margaritas plus a “little one.” the food was very decent, and it’s right on the ocean.
After-Dinner Drinks: Not Sure (some guy bugged us every night to come in this place, and on our last we relented. the cover band–mentioned above–was decent, and the beers were cold and cheap. looking online, there is no evidence that this joint even exists.)

As seems to be our m.o., we went to Mexico during the low season. I have a feeling it’s a decidedly different place when there are actually people around. The fact that the guy outside the bar we went to on our last night recognized us as the couple that walked by every night, and that The Zoo was anything but, is testament to the two faces of a party town. While the solitude was nice in Zihuatanejo when we went there, it was kind of weird sitting in empty bars in Puerto Vallarta that you know at other times are packed with young girls with back tattoos and muffin-tops and have those chicks blowing whistles and shakin your head violently after shooting tequila in there with a caulking gun. They didn’t even bother turning on the air conditioners in the smaller stores, as it would have eaten into their non-existent off season profits. It would have been nice to have heard at least one “woo-hoo” while we were there. If for nothing else than to try to relive my old Spring break glory (or lack there of).

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      Concert Reviews
      The Dirty Nil @ White Eagle Hall

      January 26, 2025

      Concert Reviews
      The Beths @ White Eagle Hall

      September 26, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Pearl Jam @ MSG

      September 9, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Cloud Nothings @ (Le) Poisson Rouge

      May 15, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Band of Horses @ The Wellmont Theater

      February 13, 2024

  • Movies
    • Movie Reviews
      Mickey 17

      July 22, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Mountainhead

      July 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Fountain of Youth

      June 24, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      A Different Man

      June 10, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Problemista

      May 22, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Flipside

      May 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      The Gorge

      March 2, 2025

  • Books
    • Book Reviews
      Trust

      June 19, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Razorblade Tears

      May 24, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Plot

      March 14, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Maximum Bob

      February 17, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Sympathizer

      January 6, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Zone of Interest

      July 12, 2024

      Book Reviews
      Klara and the Sun

      April 13, 2024

  • Podcasts
    • Podcast Reviews
      The Wedding Scammer

      March 1, 2025

      Podcast Reviews
      Search Engine

      November 27, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Hysterical

      August 30, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      60 Songs That Explain the ’90s

      March 31, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Otherworld

      February 29, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Behind the Bastards

      February 13, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Time Crisis

      January 26, 2024

  • Booze & Grub
    • Booze & Grub ReviewsBooze & Grub: NYCBooze & Grub: NJThe NYC Booze & Grub GraveyardThe NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Westville Hudson

      April 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Five Guys – Midtown West

      January 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Jaz Indian Cuisine

      December 23, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Just Salad – Hudson Square

      November 13, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      August 9, 2022

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The Press Box Restaurant & Pub

      August 3, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Natureworks – Midtown

      May 6, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The National Bar & Dining Rooms

      April 10, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Hillstone – Midtown

      March 5, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Connolly’s Pub & Restaurant – 5th Ave.

      February 12, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      July 21, 2024

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Scala del Nonna

      February 15, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Diesel & Duke – Montclair

      January 30, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza

      September 14, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Junior’s Cheesesteaks & Shakes

      December 21, 2020

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Vanillamore

      June 13, 2020

  • Randomness
    • Travel Reviews
    • Video Game Reviews
    • Product Reviews
    • Odd Finds
    • Diary