Cuisine: Fast Food
Look, there is very little to say about a McDonald’s. This one, though, is just super-weird. It’s tiny in a very NYC kind of way, crammed into the corner of a building that has no right to exist as a commercial space. A closet, really, masquerading as a fast food restaurant. Merely a box with a couple self-service kiosks, a baby-sized front counter and apparently a very small upstairs dining area that is mostly a spot for wayward teens to pursue narcotic and carnal pleasures. At least that’s the rumor.
But, seriously, if you go read the reviews of this location, you’d think people were being murdered by axe-wielding rats and high schoolers brandishing heroin needles. Moldy food and vomit-strewn walls. A hellscape, if we’re being honest. However, the day I walked in to just pick up some fries because, well, McDonald’s fries are good, things were quiet and calm. I ordered my free fries based on some points I had on the app from one of the kiosks and walked the seven or so feet to the counter. Again, this place is absolutely dollhouse-sized. The nice worker brought out my hot fries, placed them in a bag, handed them to me, smiled and I believe said “You’re welcome, honey” to my “thank you.” Lovely.
Now, if I were being cynical I would say that this nice lady was so sweet to me because I wasn’t a punk high school kid and she was just relieved that I wasn’t shoving a loaded .45 in her face or trying to bankshot a poop into the deep fryer. And, yes, there are a ton of teens in the area at certain times of day — but that take assumes that all these kids are indeed the punks that the reviewers call them. To me they just look like every other teenager you’ve ever seen anywhere. Bitter reviewers aside, I have subsequently walked by the glass box that is the waiting area and seen those kids packed in there like those dumb phone booth stuffers from the 1950s. Side note, it’s really weird that that was like the viral trend back then: trying to jam as many people into small spaces as possible; phone booths, cars, whatever. But, yeah, they look almost as if they’re intentionally piling themselves in there, as the windows fog and the presumably minuscule kitchen gets overwhelmed with the lunchtime or after-school glut. No wonder the complaints of slow, mistaken or over/under-cooked orders and dirty surroundings are so prevalent. They probably only have a couple people to service all these customers in a really crowded area. Hardly their fault. But certainly not a great look for the McDonald’s corporation. Like anyone cares about that.
This is all to say that if you can avoid rush hour and get in and get out, you may actually get properly cooked/microwaved food, avoid whatever the hell is going on upstairs and maybe even get a kindly smile and a “honey” from the sweet worker at the counter. Just don’t be an asshat, and leave the shitty reviews to me.
208 Varick St. (at W. Houston)
646/483-9817
mcdonalds.com
