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Five Guys – Midtown West

by mr. hipster January 25, 2025
January 25, 2025
Five Guys
49
Five Guys
Neighborhood: Midtown West
Cuisine: Burger Joint

You’re in Manhattan and you’re eating at a Five Guys? What the hell is wrong with you, Mr. Hipster? Have you sold out to big burger and all its accoutrement? Well, I had Hipster Jr. Jr. with me before heading to some sort of K-pop extravaganza and she eats about four things. One of which is burgers. I will not pretend this is a special place. There are apparently over 1,700 of them — seemingly 725 of them in NYC alone. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be good.

This one in particular is… not the cleanest on Earth, nor the best run. There were somewhere between two and three employees on break when we walked in. One might have been playing snake on his Nokia. Another was watching glow-up videos on an iPad the size of a Cadillac and the third was standing facing the corner like a Blair Witch victim. Okay, they were probably doing some version of that and not exactly that, but I do know they weren’t cleaning the joint. The garbage was filled to the brim, the tables were littered with detritus and the crazy self-serve Coke machines seemed drippier than they should be. It wasn’t a house of horrors or anything, but a quick five minute scour could have made a big difference.

I’m pretty sure that the people who scout Five Guys locations are spatially challenged. Or the company goes after distressed locations that nobody else wants, because they tend to be awkward or just generally odd. This one is no different, with its long, runway setup and confusing ordering-versus-paying-versus-pickup situation. It’s not going to win any feng shui awards is all I’m saying. Maybe a People’s Choice, but that’s about it. Thing is, they make a good burger. And good fries. And the aforementioned insane Coke machine where I can get a cherry vanilla Coke Zero? I mean, heck yeah.

What you might have to put up with, however, is some sloth-like service. To be fair, we may have caught the dreaded shift change / guy on his break in the corner Venn diagram of nonsense. But more than likely, the crew just decided to slow-walk our order. The flattop and fryer are right there, so it’s not as if they could hide. I just got the sense they chatted for a while, maybe waited for the fry guy to come back from his snake adventure and for the burger chef to get her face prepped like that Maybelline influencer, and finally remembered they worked at a place that serves food to the public. So, we waited. And waited. In a dining room that had about three other people — who were also waiting. And, hallelujah, when the food finally showed up at the counter, it was hot. And it was tasty. They do that weird thing where they fill your fry cup and then throw a whole bunch more all loose in the bag. I will never say this, ever, but it’s almost too many fries. But, damn, they’re tasty. As was my long-awaited cheeseburger. Like everything else now, the food is overpriced, but sometimes a decent burger can be way more satisfying than some lobster or that fancy truffle risotto. Yes, a decent burger, fries and a Coke just can’t be beat.


1008 6th Ave. (bet. 37th & 38th St.)
646/290-6120
fiveguys.com


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      May 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      The Gorge

      March 2, 2025

  • Books
    • Book Reviews
      Trust

      June 19, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Razorblade Tears

      May 24, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Plot

      March 14, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Maximum Bob

      February 17, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Sympathizer

      January 6, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Zone of Interest

      July 12, 2024

      Book Reviews
      Klara and the Sun

      April 13, 2024

  • Podcasts
    • Podcast Reviews
      The Wedding Scammer

      March 1, 2025

      Podcast Reviews
      Search Engine

      November 27, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Hysterical

      August 30, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      60 Songs That Explain the ’90s

      March 31, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Otherworld

      February 29, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Behind the Bastards

      February 13, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Time Crisis

      January 26, 2024

  • Booze & Grub
    • Booze & Grub ReviewsBooze & Grub: NYCBooze & Grub: NJThe NYC Booze & Grub GraveyardThe NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Westville Hudson

      April 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Five Guys – Midtown West

      January 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Jaz Indian Cuisine

      December 23, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Just Salad – Hudson Square

      November 13, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      August 9, 2022

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The Press Box Restaurant & Pub

      August 3, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Natureworks – Midtown

      May 6, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The National Bar & Dining Rooms

      April 10, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Hillstone – Midtown

      March 5, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Connolly’s Pub & Restaurant – 5th Ave.

      February 12, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      July 21, 2024

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Scala del Nonna

      February 15, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Diesel & Duke – Montclair

      January 30, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza

      September 14, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Junior’s Cheesesteaks & Shakes

      December 21, 2020

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Vanillamore

      June 13, 2020

  • Randomness
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    • Odd Finds
    • Diary