Ogunquit, ME

For some reason everyone to a person asked me if I was going to get Johnny cakes whilst up in Maine. I took me a second to realize that they were referring to the Vito love-fest on the Sopranos. That, by the way, was somewhere else in New England; so there!

Mrs. Hipster’s co-worker was nice enough to rent us his cool little cottage right near town. It made for great anniversary get away, and the weather couldn’t have been better. We saw more antiques than any man has the right to see, and the weather gods gave us yet another perfect set of crisp, sunny days. Sometimes I feel blessed.

Anyway, here’s my usual list of all the places I ate and drank in Ogunquit.

First Day:

Maxwells Pub (dinner)
Right down the street from the house war were renting, this is your typical pub with decent burgers and local beer on tap. I had a decent cheesesteak, and drank one too many. We spotted our first person of color at this joint, but he didn’t really stick around. We only saw six more over the next three days.

Second Day:

Wild Blueberry Cafe (breakfast)
“Cute” little place in a kind of bed and breakfast-type place. The service was a little spotty and odd, and we could hear a woman loudly complaining to the hostess/waitress/busboy about her food being cold and thusly inedible. While my food wasn’t piping, they cooked my banana pancakes perfectly, and even took the time to embed them in the batter and give us a couple mini blueberry muffins that were like sweet little nuggets of goodness.

Maine Diner (lunch)
This place is clearly a local favorite. Every blue-hair within a thousand miles was standing in line with their T.G.I. Fridays beepers waiting to sink their wooden chompers into something fried. Inside it’s your typical, poorly-lit diner with tons of New England charm. The menu has fish and shellfish battered and beaten in all shapes and sizes. I got the fried clam strips on a hot dog bun (which is just weird), but satisfied my once-a-year craving for greasy mollusks. They honestly didn’t have a ton of taste, but it’s about the experience, not the salty rubber bands, right?

Five-O Shore Road (dinner)
Yes, we’re the assholes who made reservations for a Wednesday night in Maine–and at eight o’clock no less. We literally sat alone in a dining room as our poor server poured over the wine list with us. The wine we picked ended up being great, and my mussel appetizer with roasted garlic, thyme, Gorgonzola, and sweet cream was damn good. My salmon entree with chilled couscous timbale with tzatziki was also tasty. Too bad nobody was around to see my smiles.

Third Day:

McDonald’s (breakfast)
I know. I know. I really hate McDonalds breakfast, but we were hung over and on the move, and Mrs. Hipster digs that styrofoam Mcmuffin thing with the round slab of ground pig.

Bull n’ Claw (lunch)
This place makes Sizzler seem like a dream come true. It was drab and sad and just plain ugly. Granted my burger wasn’t too bad, but who can concentrate on food when you’re busy trying to fight off the urge to slit your wrists. A total bummer.

The Old Village Inn (dinner)
Set in an old house with multiple rooms and plenty of charm, the idea is pretty nice–but what is nice in theory isn’t always great in practice. I got a filet stuffed with a bunch of stinky cheese. The meat was very, um, wedding-like. Plus we sat at our table between the soup and the entree for at least a half hour without so much as a nod from our server. The best part of the meal was the coffee.

Fourth Day:

Some bakery (breakfast)
We stopped at some little bakery joint on the way out of town to pick up muffins and coffee. I had a blueberry and Mrs. Hipster had some sort of pumpkin chocolate chip deal. They were pretty good.

And thus ended our leaf-peeping adventure.

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