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Zero Day

by mr. hipster April 30, 2025
April 30, 2025
Zero Day
30
Zero Day
Genre: Political Thriller
Service: Netflix
Creator: Eric Newman
Noah Oppenheim
Michael Schmidt
Series Year: 2025
Watch: Netflix

Ms. Hipster and I never call shows we watch by their real name. This one we called Confused President. Or sometimes Confused De Niro. They’re never creative titles. Just ones that pretty much describe what happens in the series. Simple, straight-forward titles that we both recognize easily. Because we too are old and confused. Just like President De Niro. In this absolute garbage heap of a “thriller” that I have to assume isn’t as-written-by-AI, cynical as it comes off. Truly a mash-up of the most basic ideas that threaten our nation in a series that is both poorly conceived and penned in a way that someone somewhere thought maybe sounded like Aaron Sorkin, but comes off more like Aaron Carter (yes, the dead former child pop star). Honestly, if you’ve ever watched Asian television, this looked like that and made about as much sense (if you had the captions turned off).

Zero Day is a pretty basic story. There is a cyberattack perpetrated on the US. Basically someone turns off the Internet for 60 seconds. It’s a little more broad than that, but not much. Planes crash, people get run over by trains. I feel like maybe someone falls from a bridge and possibly gets electrocuted. Or maybe it’s an elevator. Worse, at least 140 million teens had to sit in silence for one minute when their Tik Tok didn’t load. Bummer. But, anyway, thousands of people die and that’s bad. The government decides it has to get to the bottom of who did this, so they hire the last president, George Mullen (Robert De Niro), out of retirement to start the “Zero Day” commission to track down these hacktivists. Or cyberterrorists. Or whatever you want to call them. Look, De Niro is a lot of things. He’s a boxer. A taxi driver. A gangster. Even a goofy grandpa. But president? This mumbling Italian New Yorker? I’m not so sure. But, hey, are you gonna turn down De Niro if he’s willing to play the lead in your show? Probably not. But next time, make him a retired cop. Maybe FBI, even. But President? Nah.

Anyway, the dude is a lib. Which sounds like a cuss or a slur, but is Bobby’s true nature. But in his character, you figure he’s going to follow the straight and narrow in his endeavor. You know, get all the proper search warrants and stick to the Geneva Accords or whatever. But, no, he goes full Tom Homan and grabs this “libertarian,” conspiracy podcaster dude, Evan Green (Dan Stevens), and has him tortured for info. This guy is supposed to be an Alex Jones stand-in with the reach of a Tucker Carlson. And he disappears him for a while to beat the hell out of him — fulfilling absolutely every dumb conspiracy theory and panic-the-dummies, dangerous screed he spews. Good call, prez. So incredibly stupid and unrealistic. Also, Dan Stevens’ “American” accent (and the fact they gave him a very Jewish name for some reason?) is about as phony as this show. In the meantime, President Mullen continually gets confused. He loses time and spaces out, has auditory and visual hallucinations and generally stalls out in the middle of speeches a la Mitch McConnell. And keeps repeating something about Bambi. Though only his wife (Joan Allen) seems to notice. With people constantly around him, video and still cameras constantly snapping. And nobody is like, “Hey, maybe the old guy who pulled a Biden and didn’t run for a second term and has been clearly losing it in public shouldn’t be the face of this very important 911-like investigation? Maybe?”

Apparently Mullen gave way to President Mitchell (Angela Bassett). Every sentence she utters (always at full-throated volume) sounds like a Bill Pullman speech from Independence Day. But written by a person who has never actually heard a human being speak. Let alone a president. And acted by a person who has also been told she’s Caesar and not a thoughtful leader of a modern nation. I feel like perhaps Bassett is decent in very specific roles. This isn’t it. Which leads to Jesse Plemons and Lizzy Caplan. Generally two of our favorites. Just like shows Ms. Hipster and I watch, sometimes actors get names that are more descriptors than their actual names — because Ms. Hipster and I have Swiss cheese for brains. So Plemons was always “Fat” Matt Damon. Issue is, he’s lost a ton of weight. He almost looks like a completely different person. And, you know what, that’s a good thing for him. Because maybe people won’t remember he was actually in this train wreck. Caplan plays a congresswoman and the daughter of President Mullin. She lives in a loft in NYC, loves cocaine and apparently having sex with the newly skinny, formerly Fat Matt Damon. A relationship that feels all sorts of convoluted. And weirdly disconnected, considering her character’s complete lack of reaction after Plemon’s character ends up dead. I mean it feels like she’s upset for about 3.5 seconds, but is just kind of off of it in the next scene. Writing!

So Mullen and his team stumble around seemingly breaking all sorts of laws and suspending people’s rights in order to nail these damned hackers, accusing the wrong people, doing public harm and generally being inept asshats. All while they’re double-crossed by maybe, possibly some Russians, but also some home-grown dudes but also their own internal people? It’s real murky. I think it’s all in an attempt to hide the ball for a big “whoa!” at the end, but they also kind of give everything away several times by being too obvious. Obfuscation and confusion can only keep you off the scent for so long. Though being in the middle of a muddled miasma of nonsense is no fun either. Especially the whole Havana Syndrome feint with Mullen and his brain damage, or whatever’s going on. They only kind, sorta resolve that whole thing, despite it being at the heart of our series, Confused President. And the resolution is basically: grief. Yes, they tried to shoehorn the ultimate 2010s/2020s TV trope, grief, into a bad political thriller. Because everything is a metaphor for grief now. Even things that should theoretically have an actual explanation. Shit, Mullen had some poor girl’s corpse dug up for no reason because he thought maybe an advanced sound weapon was being used on him somehow, when in fact he was just distraught over his dead son? Which in and of itself means that you do, in fact, have dementia. Yes, dementia causes hallucinations and memory lapses, not sadness. Seems these writers consulted neither screenwriters nor doctors in the long road to the end of this forgettable / regrettable series full of stars, but very little else.

2025Angela BassettBill CampConnie BrittonDan StevensEric NewmanJesse PlemonsJoan AllenLizzy CaplanMatthew ModineMcKinley Belcher IIIMichael SchmidtNoah OppenheimPolitical Thriller SeriesRobert De Niro
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      Good Commercial: JUBLIA “Dad’s Toenails”

      February 20, 2023

      Good / Bad Commercial
      Bad Commercial: J.G. Wentworth “Living at Home”

      December 19, 2021

      Good / Bad Commercial
      Bad Commercial: Apple iPhone 12 “Fumble”

      April 15, 2021

      Good / Bad Commercial
      Good Commercial: GEICO “Tag Team Helps With Dessert”

      March 15, 2021

  • Music
    • MusicAlbum ReviewsThe Music ListConcert Reviews
      Album Reviews
      Sioux Falls: Rot Forever

      July 14, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Turnstile: Never Enough

      July 8, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Lifeguard: Ripped and Torn

      June 28, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Cameron Winter: Heavy Metal

      June 17, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Mclusky: the world is still here and so…

      June 16, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Origami Angel: Feeling Not Found

      June 12, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Sioux Falls: Rot Forever

      July 14, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Turnstile: Never Enough

      July 8, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Lifeguard: Ripped and Torn

      June 28, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Cameron Winter: Heavy Metal

      June 17, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Mclusky: the world is still here and so…

      June 16, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Origami Angel: Feeling Not Found

      June 12, 2025

      The Music List
      The Grunge Diaspora

      August 15, 2024

      The Music List
      I Still Own a Lot of CDs

      June 13, 2024

      The Music List
      Top Listens 2023

      January 1, 2024

      The Music List
      In Defense of: OMC’s “How Bizarre”

      July 18, 2021

      The Music List
      Top 25 Influential Rock Albums

      May 1, 2020

      The Music List
      In Defense Of: Ruben Studdard’s “Sorry 2004”

      December 29, 2019

      Concert Reviews
      The Get Up Kids @ Starland Ballroom

      February 27, 2025

      Concert Reviews
      The Dirty Nil @ White Eagle Hall

      January 26, 2025

      Concert Reviews
      The Beths @ White Eagle Hall

      September 26, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Pearl Jam @ MSG

      September 9, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Cloud Nothings @ (Le) Poisson Rouge

      May 15, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Band of Horses @ The Wellmont Theater

      February 13, 2024

  • Movies
    • Movie Reviews
      Mickey 17

      July 22, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Mountainhead

      July 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Fountain of Youth

      June 24, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      A Different Man

      June 10, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Problemista

      May 22, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Flipside

      May 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      The Gorge

      March 2, 2025

  • Books
    • Book Reviews
      Trust

      June 19, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Razorblade Tears

      May 24, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Plot

      March 14, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Maximum Bob

      February 17, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Sympathizer

      January 6, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Zone of Interest

      July 12, 2024

      Book Reviews
      Klara and the Sun

      April 13, 2024

  • Podcasts
    • Podcast Reviews
      The Wedding Scammer

      March 1, 2025

      Podcast Reviews
      Search Engine

      November 27, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Hysterical

      August 30, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      60 Songs That Explain the ’90s

      March 31, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Otherworld

      February 29, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Behind the Bastards

      February 13, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Time Crisis

      January 26, 2024

  • Booze & Grub
    • Booze & Grub ReviewsBooze & Grub: NYCBooze & Grub: NJThe NYC Booze & Grub GraveyardThe NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Westville Hudson

      April 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Five Guys – Midtown West

      January 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Jaz Indian Cuisine

      December 23, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Just Salad – Hudson Square

      November 13, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      August 9, 2022

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The Press Box Restaurant & Pub

      August 3, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Natureworks – Midtown

      May 6, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The National Bar & Dining Rooms

      April 10, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Hillstone – Midtown

      March 5, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Connolly’s Pub & Restaurant – 5th Ave.

      February 12, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      July 21, 2024

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Scala del Nonna

      February 15, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Diesel & Duke – Montclair

      January 30, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza

      September 14, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Junior’s Cheesesteaks & Shakes

      December 21, 2020

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Vanillamore

      June 13, 2020

  • Randomness
    • Travel Reviews
    • Video Game Reviews
    • Product Reviews
    • Odd Finds
    • Diary