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Nerds Candy Corn

by mr. hipster October 20, 2022
October 20, 2022
Nerds Candy Corn
95
Nerds Candy Corn

Do you want to make enemies? Buy them a bag of this absolute abomination. Happy Halloween, here are two of the most divisive candies all rolled into one! Nerds, which are basically little, tooth-breaking sugar pebbles. And candy corn, which is apparently like the Brussels sprouts of Halloween candy to some folks. Just a Frankenstein’s monster of unpleasantness in your mouth. Or so the general public would assume.

But, let me tell you… they are kind of as gross as you’d imagine. For some reason I thought they might have the crunch of an actual Nerd on the outside. But, nah, it’s more like what I imagine biting through dried wax would be like. Once through that, the interior does reasonably recreate that candy corn weird texture that is both a little toothy and kind of grainy at the same time. It’s a very specific candy corn thing. You know it when you bite it.

I don’t think the issue here is the texture. Though it might be a bit off-putting for some. Nor is it the really odd shapes that these things take on. Something between one of those candles you make at camp, and the aftermath of a brutal fight with a rabid unicorn-humanoid hybrid. I suppose you could best describe them as colorful, lumpy cones. But not even this might be a deterrent for some. What is truly odd are the flavors. Or, more so, the flavor combinations. There are six all together:

– Strawberry shell with grape & strawberry inside
– Grape shell with grape & strawberry inside
– Strawberry-lemon shell with blue raspberry & fruit punch inside
– Blue raspberry shell with blue raspberry & fruit punch inside
– Orange shell with cherry-watermelon inside
– Watermelon shell with cherry-watermelon inside

What in the hell is strawberry-lemon? And cherry-watermelon? Disgusting. Also grape mixed with strawberry is an absolute shitshow of atrociousness that makes me want to turn my skull inside out. These people are truly monsters. I mean look at the photo of these things. Is this food? Is this something you should be putting in your mouth? The different blobby shapes aren’t like McNuggets where there are like five different molds. No! They just put it all out there. It’s a canine. It’s a molar. It’s the rotten tooth of a 12th century syphilitic beggar! Whatever it is, this whole thing feels a bit out of control. Not to mention the fact that the coating seems to be dynamically affected by both heat and humidity. A tick up in the barometer or mercury can cause catastrophic molecular failure, resulting in the corns sticking to one another, creating a giant, tangled mass of sugary cringe.

Nerds Candy Corn

The issue is, despite the visual assault and the misguided attempt to meld flavors that have no business together, these things are kind of addictive. After the initial face I made when first experiencing an orange/cherry-watermelon explosion, I put the things away and said never again. Even Hipster Jr. Jr. wouldn’t touch them. And she’d hoover straight sugar out of the bag if she didn’t think we’d stop her. But days later they stared at me from the pantry begging for someone to at least give them another try. And I don’t know if they needed to breathe like a fine wine, or if they obliterated my tastebuds in my initial go ’round, but they were way less offensive on the re-taste. The weird melding of “fruit” was way less jarring. And instead I noticed the thing that I actually like about candy corn: the texture. Yeah, I know people hate it. But I’m a fan. It’s like nothing else. But the thing with normal candy corn is that they kind of taste like the inside of the package more than anything else. So here we have a little more toothy candy corn, along with some actual taste. Whether it’s a good taste or a bad taste, I’m not sure. But it’s something. Kind of like the sauce packets at Taco Bell. Do they make the tacos taste better? Not really, I don’t think. But they just give them a little kick that hopefully infuses the whole thing with a little more personality overall and makes us forget the meat is boiled in a bag. So, in conclusion, candy corn is a Taco Bell taco. Nerds candy corn is a Taco Bell taco with that fire sauce. You’re welcome.

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      November 27, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Hysterical

      August 30, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      60 Songs That Explain the ’90s

      March 31, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Otherworld

      February 29, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Behind the Bastards

      February 13, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Time Crisis

      January 26, 2024

  • Booze & Grub
    • Booze & Grub ReviewsBooze & Grub: NYCBooze & Grub: NJThe NYC Booze & Grub GraveyardThe NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Montclair Diner

      August 7, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Coda Kitchen & Bar

      July 29, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Sweet T’s Southern Eatery – Montclair

      July 24, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Tinga Fresh Mexican & BBQ

      July 23, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Westville Hudson

      April 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Five Guys – Midtown West

      January 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Jaz Indian Cuisine

      December 23, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Just Salad – Hudson Square

      November 13, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Montclair Diner

      August 7, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Coda Kitchen & Bar

      July 29, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Sweet T’s Southern Eatery – Montclair

      July 24, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Tinga Fresh Mexican & BBQ

      July 23, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      August 9, 2022

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The Press Box Restaurant & Pub

      August 3, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Natureworks – Midtown

      May 6, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The National Bar & Dining Rooms

      April 10, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Hillstone – Midtown

      March 5, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Connolly’s Pub & Restaurant – 5th Ave.

      February 12, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      July 21, 2024

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Scala del Nonna

      February 15, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Diesel & Duke – Montclair

      January 30, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Maple Leaf Diner

      February 10, 2022

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza

      September 14, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Junior’s Cheesesteaks & Shakes

      December 21, 2020

  • Randomness
    • Travel Reviews
    • Video Game Reviews
    • Product Reviews
    • Odd Finds
    • Diary