Mr. Hipster
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      Album Reviews
      Cameron Winter: Heavy Metal

      June 17, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Mclusky: the world is still here and so…

      June 16, 2025

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      The Grunge Diaspora

      August 15, 2024

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      I Still Own a Lot of CDs

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      In Defense of: OMC’s “How Bizarre”

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      In Defense Of: Ruben Studdard’s “Sorry 2004”

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      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
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The Dodge Earthfucker

by mr. hipster May 20, 2006
May 20, 2006
61

So with gas over three dollars a gallon I decide to go lease the world’s largest land vehicle. Not surprisingly they were offering some really good incentives and prices. Shit, I replaced an SUV with a six cylinder, 165 horsepower engine and cloth seats with an eight cylinder 345 horsepower HEMI with leather and a DVD player for practically the same monthly payment. How could I resist? My gawd, it’s a HEMI (and I understand that’s a good thing).

My bloodlust for a gigantic engine and seating for seven (despite only having three people in my family) completely blinded me to the implications for the environment. Now every Friday night I get to be guilted by Bill Maher and his super-lame Prius. Man, if a guy that ugly can drive a battery-operated Tonka toy and still get laid, he must really have some fourth dimensional side to him that is apparently subliminally attractive to women.

I know I’m a horrible person who obviously supports terrorism. But what if my motives in buying an American all-wheel-drive, gas-guzzling monster is all a covert operation to thwart the terrorists by using up all of the Middle East’s oil in order to force Bush’s hand into actually looking for alternative energy sources? Far-fetched, I know, but if we all follow Mr. Hipster’s lead and buy big, we should run through the fossil fuels in like two years. The trick will be convincing the Europeans to give up those tiny death traps they call autos. I honestly have a recurring dream about crushing a whole line of LeCars under my giant, earthfucker tires. Meanwhile, watch your side mirrors and keep the women and children inside. I’m coming through your town with my giant earthfucker blasting the Boohbahs on the DVD player, and dragging the ozone layer kicking and screaming to an early grave. I know, I suck, but I ride in style biatch.

dodge earthfucker
i need like a fisheye for this thing
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  • TV
    • TVTelevision ReviewsGood / Bad Commercial
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      The Four Seasons: Season 1

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      Your Friends & Neighbors: Season 1

      July 3, 2025

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      The More You Know: How to Pronounce “Comfortable”…

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  • Music
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      The Wrens: The Meadowlands

      July 23, 2025

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      Turnstile: Never Enough

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Mr. Hipster
  • TV
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      Television Reviews
      The Four Seasons: Season 1

      July 18, 2025

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      The Better Sister

      July 13, 2025

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      Your Friends & Neighbors: Season 1

      July 3, 2025

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      Bad Commercial: Apple iPhone 12 “Fumble”

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      Top Listens 2023

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      In Defense of: OMC’s “How Bizarre”

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      The Music List
      Top 25 Influential Rock Albums

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      The Music List
      In Defense Of: Ruben Studdard’s “Sorry 2004”

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      January 26, 2025

      Concert Reviews
      The Beths @ White Eagle Hall

      September 26, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Pearl Jam @ MSG

      September 9, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Cloud Nothings @ (Le) Poisson Rouge

      May 15, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Band of Horses @ The Wellmont Theater

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  • Movies
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      Mickey 17

      July 22, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Mountainhead

      July 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Fountain of Youth

      June 24, 2025

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      Movie Reviews
      Flipside

      May 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      The Gorge

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      Trust

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      May 24, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Plot

      March 14, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Maximum Bob

      February 17, 2025

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      The Sympathizer

      January 6, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Zone of Interest

      July 12, 2024

      Book Reviews
      Klara and the Sun

      April 13, 2024

  • Podcasts
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      The Wedding Scammer

      March 1, 2025

      Podcast Reviews
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      Podcast Reviews
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      Podcast Reviews
      Behind the Bastards

      February 13, 2024

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      Time Crisis

      January 26, 2024

  • Booze & Grub
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      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      August 9, 2022

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The Press Box Restaurant & Pub

      August 3, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Natureworks – Midtown

      May 6, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The National Bar & Dining Rooms

      April 10, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Hillstone – Midtown

      March 5, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Connolly’s Pub & Restaurant – 5th Ave.

      February 12, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      July 21, 2024

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Scala del Nonna

      February 15, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Diesel & Duke – Montclair

      January 30, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza

      September 14, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Junior’s Cheesesteaks & Shakes

      December 21, 2020

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Vanillamore

      June 13, 2020

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