You’d think it would be easier to find decent pizza in New Jersey. I mean, I know it exists and is probably in driving distance. But those places feel almost like novelties. Not your neighborhood pizza joint like Enzo. The place you come to when none of you can decide what you want for dinner, someone says “Pizza,” everyone shrugs and says, “Sure.”
And therein comes the local pizza place. The one that just happens to be better and/or more reliable than the others in the neighborhood. The joint that constantly mis-estimates the pickup time and leaves you hanging out in their cramped retail space drooling at the smell of everyone else’s pies. The joint that constantly burns the pizza. The joint that constantly undercooks the pizza. And the place that frustratingly burns it once, does great on the second try and then undercooks it the next time. Yes, you run through them all. And one by one they all piss you off to the point you’re done. And you move on. Or, usually in the case of Hipster Jr. Jr., there is something about the amount of sauce, the amount of cheese, the amount of crust and the shape, consistency and taste of their pepperoni that just doesn’t jibe and it’s crossed off the list forever.
And the last one standing is Enzo. Not Enzo’s, by the way. The same way Barnes & Noble isn’t Barnes’ and Noble’s. I suppose people are used to McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Domino’s (which is a weird possessive when you think about it), Arby’s, etc. Of course why don’t Popeyes and Starbucks have the possessive ‘s’ on the end? Point is, Enzo has no ‘s’ on the end, but you will hear about 86% of all people who mention it call it Enzo’s. And each and every one of them will hear me mutter under my breathe, “It’s fucking Enzo you stupid piece of…” I’m very sensitive to the whole… Wait, what? Their URL is eatatenzos.com? With the ‘s?’ Kill me. Oh, good, the logo on their site reads “Enzo.” Whew… I thought there was going to be some ambiguity there… And the text on the homepage (and only page) refers to it as “Enzo’s.” Great. I can’t help you if you refuse to help yourself, people. Know the name of your own business. Know the name of your band. Does it have a “The” in the band name or not you goddamned lunatics! Whatever the case, Enzo or Enzo’s is our go-to Thursday night pizza pick-up. Nothing special, but better and, more importantly, more consistent than the competition we’ve sampled.
Oh, right, the pizza. It’s not thin crust. It’s not coal oven. It’s not any style named after a city. New York, New Haven, Detroit or otherwise. It’s an urban/suburban pizzeria in a town that has some Italian Americans. Just not those Italian Americans. You know, the ones who might sniff out an inauthentic Jersey pie and shit all over it on the town Facebook page. Not so in this town full of non-local preppies, aging hipsters and nerds. Nah, we eat whatever comes in the box. At kids’ parties. At school events. At that couples’ house that looks as they’ve never eaten anything with their hands ever. Put down the fork, Muffy! But then you have the Hipster family with their food quirks and their demand that picking up a few pies and eating them isn’t a frustrating or unsatisfactory experience. So we factor everything, and despite the fact Enzo doesn’t take online orders (even though the deli in a tree in the middle of a craggy mountain face in the middle of a national park in Montana has online ordering), we call up and get our pizzas. A white pizza. A plain pizza (because Hipster Jr. is boring). A pepperoni pizza (because Hipster Jr. Jr. is a tiny bit less boring). And a pepperoni with mushroom. This is where we go. The white pizza is surprisingly alluring, by the way. Anyhow, the crust is a little thicker than you’d expect. Not thick, just more robust than a typical NY slice. The cheese is pretty plentiful and does a good job of not sliding onto your chin. It’s tasty and the crust has a decent chew. It’s satisfying, reheats well the next day. It’s my pizza place. For now.
150 Valley Rd. – Montclair
973/509-0999
eatatenzos.com
