CARS: Sandwiches & Shakes – Montclair

Cars - Montclair
Cars - Montclair
NJ Town: Montclair
Cuisine: Sandwich Shop

Stoners rejoice! For you have found your home. Now, with weed legal in New Jersey, I imagine CARS is doing even swifter business. Because “fat” sandwiches aren’t just for faded college students anymore! No, let all legal adults over the age of 21 revel in the menu filled with wings, fried gooey things and sandwiches that layer chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks and fries on a roll with some ranch or honey mustard and call it a thing.

This is not a once-a-week joint. It is a late-night mistake. It is a drunken hook up. It’s all of your calories smashed into a cheesesteak and a chocolate shake… with a side of bacon mac ‘n cheese bites. All while the doctor calls because he thought he heard your aorta shatter from over in Clifton. But for the young — and young at heart — who can take the calorie and fat bomb, CARS supplies exactly what the kidz are looking for. Granted, the prices have become less student-friendly in recent years what with the whole chickens-being-made-of-gold-now thing. $17.99 is a bit steep for a dozen pretty svelte poultry appendages. Especially when the food is served out a take-out-only storefront that has all the charm and warmth of the magnetic prison in Face/Off. But, hey, you don’t need a three-star restaurant when your night has you facing down the midnight munchies and all your have in your drawer are two old fortune cookies and the free vegan “energy” bar some hippie handed you on your walk across the Montclair State campus.

But, like I said, you need not be stoned to enjoy CARS. Though the indigestion it’ll inevitably bring on afterward is probably a little easier to take if you are. The aforementioned wings and cheesesteaks are actually decent. The fries are good. I had one of the fat sandwiches once that involved falafel, hummus and something else called a Fat Chevy. I wouldn’t recommend that; it’s like the fat sandwich for people like me who don’t really want a fat sandwich. It’s like the dry, dietetic version of that other shit that sounds like a baked frat boy’s fever dream. Whatever the case, they provide some intriguing late-night options that are otherwise absent from this area. Seriously, most places won’t accept orders after 8:30, let alone midnight. This place is perfect if you’re having a ranch craving, or just want a sub with three different fried items on it. And shakes, of course. Yes, CARS can make all of your pig-out dreams come true!

150 Valley Road – Montclair