Cuisine: Sandwich Shop
We watched as the Tony Boys sign went up on that old tea shop that absolutely was not a front for something not related to tea. And as we drove by the day of their grand opening, Hipster Jr. Jr. for some reason decided “Tony” was pronounced “Tawny.” Tawny Boys: not a great name for a sandwich shop. But her mispronunciation (which, as it turns out, was just a weird post-school brain fart) got me thinking if indeed this wasn’t a store owned by a couple brownish-orange boys, what was it getting at?
Because Tony (pronounced properly) does have dual meanings. And, yes, occam’s razor tells us that a sandwich establishment in Jersey — home to at least two of the most famous Tonys ever, Soprano and Bennett — would just be related to the common nickname for Anthony. But — and stay with me here — what if these dudes were playing three-demensional chess and went with the actual adjectival definition of the word “tony” and subliminally were telling us that this was a joint that aligned itself with the true meaning: a stylish and expensive restaurant that’s popular with wealthy people. This low-key, street-styled chicken cutlet house that is really, beneath the surface, the eatery of the upper crust with a menu fit for kings. Or at least those finance bros who roll in in their G-Wagons and 911s. Though this is all undone by the dreaded possessive ‘s.’ Yes, the boys — presumably at least of whom is named Anthony — gives up the game in their Instagram account, labeling the place as “Tonyboy’s.” Argh, grammar and punctuation are so hard, Tony!
Now that I’ve concluded the English portion of this review, let’s get to the sandwiches. And, yes, I realize now looking at the menu that they apparently have dinner items that mostly skew pasta, but there’s something about spending $26 on fresh pappardelle bolognese at a take-out restaurant that is decorated in an 8th grade graffiti font that kind of hits wrong. Face it, this is a lunchtime, something-between-two-slices-of-bread place and that’s where they’re going to excel. And excel they do! Hipster Jr. (who got the whole “Tony” thing correct right off the bat) insisted we order grub from this place after the whole “Tawny/Tony” discussion triggered something in his brain about a flier he’d gotten advertising the place prior to its opening. And god love her, but Ms. Hipster will do anything for her boy to make him happy. And who am I to complain about an f’ing sandwich, right?
He already knew he wanted the “Drunk Chicken.” It had clearly been his goal from jump to get this ridiculous-looking chicken cutlet drowned in Vodka sauce and smothered with broiled cheese. It has hungover college boy written all over it. And not to besmirch the kid, but it makes sense. He was incredibly happy with his choice. I went with the “Number 10,” which purported to offer either a chicken or eggplant cutlet as its base. But the website menu was like, “Hey, dude, you want both?” And I was like, “Hell yeah?” So I got that nice sub roll stuffed with both chicken and eggplant cutlets, covered in fresh mozz, roasted peppers and balsamic vinaigrette (for the same price as just one or the other). And, let me tell you, I did not need to eat the whole thing. But I’m a completist and I managed to eat and eat and eat until my stomach was distended and I wanted to go shake their hands for making a sandwich good enough for me want to almost murder myself with food. Needless to say, all I really wanted to do after finishing was take a nap and maybe dream about the next time we could order Tony Boys. But this next time, I’m eating half and holding onto the second half for dinner — or a late-night snack. Ms. Hipster did a cheesesteak, which was a bold choice, but she said it was pretty rockin’. However — unlike my absolutely stacked meal — was lacking some heft. You know, probably the amount of food a normal human being should ingest in a single sitting. The point being, the Tony Boys or the Tony Boys or even the Tawny Boys or, god forbid, Tonyboy’s is a welcome addition to the Montclair landscape. Fancy or not.
8 S Fullerton Ave. – Montclair
973/707-7099
tonyboysnj.com
