Hell’s Kitchen

Zipper Factory

Zipper Tavern

[CLOSED] For some completely unknown reason this place reminds me of an old timey saloon. There is absolutely no reason why that should be, of…

Zen Palate

Zen Palate

[CLOSED] These vegetarians are on to something. No, not really. Well, they’re on to two things: the sweet and sour sensation and the sesame medallions…

Zanzibar

Zanzibar

[CLOSED] Oh God, where do I start? (Sorry, this is my Erma Bombeck beginning…) I was dragged to this place by a buddy of mine…

Worldwide Gourmet Deli

Worldwide Gourmet Deli

[CLOSED] Calling this place gourmet is like calling a Buick Regal sporty; the claim is an obvious farce, but you ignore it and hope that…

Why Not Bar

Why Not Bar

[CLOSED] is now: Blue Ruin Why not barf here? Why not stick a spike in your arm, poop yourself and then stumble out onto Ninth…

Westway Diner

Westway Diner

I’ve had too many drunken diner experiences to count. I’ve recounted some of them here, but there’s always space for one more. My new drunk…

West Side Sushi

West Side Sushi

[CLOSED] First, this place needs to clean the bird shit off of its awning. There’s nothing that primes the ole stomach for a meal like…

West Side Cottage II

West Side Cottage II

[CLOSED] West Side Cottage Too? Haha, very clever–now clean up the damn roach that’s sitting by my new Nikes. This is how pathetic lunch has…

Vynl

Vynl

[CLOSED] Yes, it may sound like an S&M club in the meat packing district, but names can be deceiving. (Like, who could have imagined The…

Valhalla

Valhalla

Its name says Valhalla, but its interior reads more like an empty Crate & Barrel showroom or minimalist model condo. There’s just entirely too much…

Uncle Nick’s on 9th Ave

Uncle Nick’s on 9th Ave

No, not that Uncle Nick. He’s still serving ten to twelve in Joliet for trading jevenille “erotica” through e-mail with several men in Peoria. This…

Troy Turkish Grill

Troy Turkish Grill

[CLOSED] Didn’t Troy belong to the Greeks back when it was Troy? Sure those rascally Turks burned and Nazied their way into the poor Greeks’…

Trio French Bakery

Trio French Bakery

[CLOSED] I felt like George in the soup Nazi episode trying to order a sandwich in this joint. There was a line of about six…

Tovar’s Restaurant

Tovar’s Restaurant

[CLOSED] Hola! Welcome to New York City’s most authentic Mexican joint–so authentic, in fact, that you may want to brush up on your Spanish. While…

Tom’s Gourmet Cafe

Tom’s Gourmet Cafe

[CLOSED] The term “gourmet” is used way too loosely these days. What the hell makes something “gourmet?” Is it a matter of using expensive ingredients?…

Thai Select

Thai Select

There is a definite glut of Thai restaurants in this part of Hell’s Kitchen. Perhaps it’s because Thai is quickly becoming the New York office…

Thai Basil

Thai Basil

[CLOSED] I seem to recall reading an article that essentially said if I eat enough Thai food, I’ll die of a major heart attack by…

Tartare

Tartare

[CLOSED] You know, with a little Crest, one can really rid oneself of this problem. Ooh, the ‘e’ makes all the difference apparently. Rather than…

TA Cocina

TA Cocina

[CLOSED] Tijuana Authority? Tasty Apps? Taco Ass (the worst of all afflictions)? Actually, I think it’s some fancy-schmancy, shortened form of “taqueria,” which is, apparently,…

T.S. Ma

T.S. Ma

[CLOSED] This is the Chinese restaurant that ushered in my first foray into healthy living Chinese cuisine. Was my meal still like a million calories…

Swing 46

Swing 46

If there’s one thing that I really suck at (and I suck at a lot), it would be organized dancing. Now, I can bust off…

Sugar Deli Food Center

Sugar Deli Food Center

Never has the lure of a Bud tallboy driven me to such depths. I risked trichinosis, giardia, hook worm, beriberi, scurvy and an acute case…

Subway (Hell’s Kitchen)

Subway (Hell’s Kitchen)

[CLOSED] For some reason when God built establishments on 9th Avenue, he made them very small. He subdivided and then subdivided again. What we’re left…

The Snug

The Snug

[CLOSED] Despite the name, I’ve certainly been to smaller bars in the city. But the snug adjective does describe the warm atmosphere of a joint…