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Snow Crash

by mr. hipster July 8, 2019
July 8, 2019
Snow Crash
75
Snow Crash
Genre: Science Fiction
Author: Neal Stephenson
Publication Year: 1992
Length: 440 pages

I know there are some people out there who like this book. I know this because one or two of them recommended it to me. If only I could remember exactly who they were, because I have a good mind to hunt them down and eviscerate them with one of those katanas that our main character, Hero Protagonist, employs throughout this 1992 sci-fi novel. And, yes, Snow Crash’s protagonist in indeed named Hero Protagonist. This might be all you need to know about this book to just stop reading and chalk it up as garbage. Unfortunately I knew it from page 50, but stubbornly slogged through the next 430 pages anyway. I’m very stubborn.

Sci-fi and/or cyberpunk-ish novels are a funny proposition. Especially ones that you’re reading twenty-seven years after they were written. Because, as it turns out, speculative fiction doesn’t age well. I imagine this is why so many authors write kind of post-apocalyptic type narratives where society is basically frozen at a certain year and then reverts back to its native form. So there’s no having to assume future inventions, geo-politics or anything, really. Lord of the Flies is always a thing. In Snow Crash, we live in a year probably not so far into our current future where the world economy has collapsed and society has become a weird amalgam of, quite honestly, some dumb bullshit that I think the author thought would be clever, but is a world I have no interest in surveying.

Trying to explain this world is next to impossible. It’s a mash-up of neighborhoods and city-states that are no longer controlled by federal or local government, but by private companies, organizations and franchised retail chains. I’m sure there is supposed to be some commentary about 1992 commercialism here, but it’s more annoyingly one-the-nose than it is enlightening. And vaguely racist in its weird Asian obsession. Stephenson also puts the n-word in a few characters’ mouths, which felt a bit jarring here in 2019. But, anyway, Stephenson has built this whole world, which is certainly a feat, but if you’re not fond of the world he’s built, it’s a tough hang. And I found my senses challenged by the world right out of the gate, as it kind of starts off on a cheesy note. After all, the aforementioned Hero Protagonist not only has a really dumb name, he’s both a really famous “hacker” and what amounts to a Domino’s Pizza delivery man. Where Domino’s is owned by the mafia. Not like a specific mafia, really. Just the mafia writ large. And they really take their half-hour-or-it’s-free guarantee super-seriously. Stupid.

Our other protagonist if a fifteen-year-old bike messenger (except she rides a skateboard) named Y.T. Her name literally stands for Yours Truly. Ok… Stephenson could think of all this advanced stuff — including a very similar precursor virtual reality world to Ready Player One’s OASIS — but can’t imagine something like the fax machine, email or drone delivery? Instead she just harpoons cars on the freeway with what I think is like a plunger on the end of cable. Stephenson must describe that same “‘pooning” thing like 300 times. It just got really, really old.

Did I mention that I found the author’s actual writing to be lacking? Not necessarily the ideas or the world building or any of that. But his actual sentences? I very much disliked it. The dialogue, especially, came off as half-baked and clichéd. He clearly did some odd-ball research into the history of language and how Sumerian society and, ugh, I don’t even want to go into it. But these pieces of the narrative — which are literally Hero having a conversation with a virtual version of Ask Jeeves — go on for chapters and are just kind of thrown in there between the main action. The two — the action and the whole thing where he’s clearly trying to connect the human brain and its language with computers and their language — never come together. One is not at all connected to the other. It’s like back in the day where there had to be “prurient interest” in all media, so they’d like stick a math lesson in the middle of a porn movie to make it fit the requirements. If Stephenson wanted to delve into this whole thing, then he could have skipped all the dumb stuff and stuck with that, After all, it seemed like by the end of the novel he had very little interest in resolving anything and/or bringing the action to any satisfying conclusion whatsoever. It felt like the end of an old Schwarzenegger movie where they used up any cleverness on one thing and then just blew everything to shit in order to distract from the fact they had nothing left in the tank.

Every time I picked this thing up I just wished it would end. The fact that teenager, Y.T., ends up having consensual (and relatively graphic) sex with a grown-ass man didn’t really help me want to continue reading, either. The whole thing was like being on vacation in a sucky resort where the food is bad, the pool is dirty and the air smells a bit of shit. You’re like, “Well, I’m on vacation, so that’s cool. But I really hate this place and can’t wait to get home.” That said, I think I’m going to take a break from sci-fi for a minute and concentrate on some good, old-fashioned family misery or something. 

1992Neal StephensonScience Fiction
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      Good Commercial: GEICO “Tag Team Helps With Dessert”

      March 15, 2021

  • Music
    • MusicAlbum ReviewsThe Music ListConcert Reviews
      Album Reviews
      Turnstile: Never Enough

      July 8, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Lifeguard: Ripped and Torn

      June 28, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Cameron Winter: Heavy Metal

      June 17, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Mclusky: the world is still here and so…

      June 16, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Origami Angel: Feeling Not Found

      June 12, 2025

      Album Reviews
      PUP: Who Will Look After the Dogs?

      June 2, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Turnstile: Never Enough

      July 8, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Lifeguard: Ripped and Torn

      June 28, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Cameron Winter: Heavy Metal

      June 17, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Mclusky: the world is still here and so…

      June 16, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Origami Angel: Feeling Not Found

      June 12, 2025

      Album Reviews
      PUP: Who Will Look After the Dogs?

      June 2, 2025

      The Music List
      The Grunge Diaspora

      August 15, 2024

      The Music List
      I Still Own a Lot of CDs

      June 13, 2024

      The Music List
      Top Listens 2023

      January 1, 2024

      The Music List
      In Defense of: OMC’s “How Bizarre”

      July 18, 2021

      The Music List
      Top 25 Influential Rock Albums

      May 1, 2020

      The Music List
      In Defense Of: Ruben Studdard’s “Sorry 2004”

      December 29, 2019

      Concert Reviews
      The Get Up Kids @ Starland Ballroom

      February 27, 2025

      Concert Reviews
      The Dirty Nil @ White Eagle Hall

      January 26, 2025

      Concert Reviews
      The Beths @ White Eagle Hall

      September 26, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Pearl Jam @ MSG

      September 9, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Cloud Nothings @ (Le) Poisson Rouge

      May 15, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Band of Horses @ The Wellmont Theater

      February 13, 2024

  • Movies
    • Movie Reviews
      Mountainhead

      July 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Fountain of Youth

      June 24, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      A Different Man

      June 10, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Problemista

      May 22, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Flipside

      May 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      The Gorge

      March 2, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      A Real Pain

      January 31, 2025

  • Books
    • Book Reviews
      Trust

      June 19, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Razorblade Tears

      May 24, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Plot

      March 14, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Maximum Bob

      February 17, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Sympathizer

      January 6, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Zone of Interest

      July 12, 2024

      Book Reviews
      Klara and the Sun

      April 13, 2024

  • Podcasts
    • Podcast Reviews
      The Wedding Scammer

      March 1, 2025

      Podcast Reviews
      Search Engine

      November 27, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Hysterical

      August 30, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      60 Songs That Explain the ’90s

      March 31, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Otherworld

      February 29, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Behind the Bastards

      February 13, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Time Crisis

      January 26, 2024

  • Booze & Grub
    • Booze & Grub ReviewsBooze & Grub: NYCBooze & Grub: NJThe NYC Booze & Grub GraveyardThe NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Westville Hudson

      April 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Five Guys – Midtown West

      January 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Jaz Indian Cuisine

      December 23, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Just Salad – Hudson Square

      November 13, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Quality Pizza Co. Midtown

      September 10, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      SGD Dubu So Gong Dong Tofu & BBQ…

      May 9, 2025

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      August 9, 2022

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The Press Box Restaurant & Pub

      August 3, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Natureworks – Midtown

      May 6, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The National Bar & Dining Rooms

      April 10, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Hillstone – Midtown

      March 5, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Connolly’s Pub & Restaurant – 5th Ave.

      February 12, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      July 21, 2024

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Scala del Nonna

      February 15, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Diesel & Duke – Montclair

      January 30, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza

      September 14, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Junior’s Cheesesteaks & Shakes

      December 21, 2020

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Vanillamore

      June 13, 2020

  • Randomness
    • Travel Reviews
    • Video Game Reviews
    • Product Reviews
    • Odd Finds
    • Diary