Black Doves: Season 1

Why do the Brits get all the cool stuff? Well, all the cool spy stuff, I guess. They still kind of suck at sci-fi. And, no, I don’t watch Dr. Timebot or whatever that show is called. I tried, but it was so British that I just couldn’t. But, yeah, I can get down with this whole spy thing they do because they don’t do that weird American thing where everyone ultimately needs to end up being a good guy. A good spy. A pro-America spy who, ultimately, loves freedom and hamburgers and just wants a Budweiser and a Glock to cuddle with. And is secretly a really good guy who reveres the flag and puppies. The English don’t give two craps about all the goodie-goodie stuff. Nah, their people are horrible, soulless ghouls who will shoot a stray cat just for meowing too loud. But in a complicated way.

It’s been a few years since I’ve seen Bend It Like Beckham, but it was a favorite of Hipster Jr. He loves soccer and just possibly Keira Knightley. I suppose I’ve seen her in a few movies since then, but it’s the one with which I most closely associate her. And, in my brain, she’s still a plucky teen in an oversized football kit cracking wise with her short Indian friend. An actress who I’ve probably seen more of in things like ER than I have Knightley over the years. Whatever the case, I was intrigued and a little excited to see a whole adult-ass Keira Knightley act in something. I feel like she’s a nice, interesting person who deserves a meaty role. Based on absolutely nothing, of course. But, acting opposite her, is someone who has been seemingly everywhere over the past decade, Ben Whishaw. The dude is like an unwashed chameleon. In the best possible way. And the two of them together really make this show hum. Frankly, I’d watch a sitcom with the two of them. Or even a British sci-fi series. If it was just them we had to contend with.

Black Doves is better than the sum of its parts. Or, wait, it’s better taken as a whole than in its parts. In other words, when I think of the show I like it. It was entertaining, and some of the performances were memorable and fun. But when you zoom in just a little, the whole thing is absurd and parts of it are seriously underbaked. Helen Webb (Knightley) is a spy. But not MI6. No, she’s like a Black Water spy. Part of what can only be described as a freelance, mercenary spy service. Sometimes they’re on the good guys’ side. Sometimes just the highest bidder’s. Helen is on deeeep cover, placed as the wife of the now British Secretary of Defense, Wallace Webb (Andrew Buchan). So deep she has kids with the dude and everything! But, hey, she needs her side piece. Until, that is, her side piece gets murdered. And she’s pissed! This murder pushes her to go on what amounts to a rampage trying to get to the bottom of who killed the dude she met in hotels for afternoon nookie and maybe got her a nice bracelet for her trouble. That relationship is the most confounding part of the whole show. It’s the triggering event for the whole plot, but the two of them don’t seem that great together. And we’re really never shown why she would care about this dude so much as to risk everything. In any other show, this might be a deal killer. But Knightley and Whishaw are so good!

Also wasted is Buchan. Dude was in Broadchurch. And The Honorable Woman. And Industry, fer fuck’s sake. Put some respect on his name. In this show he’s kind of a vacuous dupe who wanders around being a clueless do-gooder whose wife is out murdering the shit out of people for killing her backdoor lover. Worst Secretary of Defense ever! And to think that he’s on the shortlist for Prime Minister. It’s obscene. He’s basically just an uninteresting bot. Shame. While this clueless stooge is puttering around thinking his wife is lunching with friends or something, she’s busy getting blood and brain on her face multiple times. It’s amazing how every time someone gets shot in this show, their insides end up on another characters’ cheeks and in their hair. Which said person never seems to wash off. Or even wipe off immediately. Gross.

The main plot is pretty straight-forward, but the mechanics of working through it are a bit convoluted. There’s a recording device that everyone is looking for that makes no sense. There is a kidnapped daughter of a dead Chinese ambassador who just kind of surfaces and then hangs out that also is real mushy. There’s a feint toward a bad guy who turns out not to be the real bad guy… It feels complicated and messy for no good reason other than the writers felt a revenge story just wasn’t strong enough. But, honestly, the characters they throw out there are entertaining enough to support a simpler, more streamlined narrative. I’d watch most of these people shoot, punch and banter all day long. Even the ones I can barely understand with their impenetrable Irish and Welsh accents in Ella Lily Hyland and Gabrielle Creevy respectively.

So, I enjoyed the season. What I didn’t love was the ending, which felt a bit like a British version of a John Hughes movie. Or maybe it’s just a British thing. An ending, after some seriously demented stuff, that felt awkwardly earnest and discordant. And Christmas themed. Much in the same way the love affair between Helen and her dead boyfriend felt like it was happening in a different show. Or like a different writer sat in a closet somewhere off the main writers’ room and bolted his shit on after the final script was delivered. I guess this is where the American schmaltz sneaks in. Or maybe it’s the English peoples’ love of a Christmas episode? Whatever it is, it makes me a little worried for season two. I’m hoping we stick with Knightley and Whishaw sitting in parked cars talking about murdering people and less about the odd-feeling relationships the show tries to force together. Like the completely unrealistic and twisted relationship between Whishaw and his ex-boyfriend who seemingly goes from being rendered catatonic by violence to being just fine with Ben being an assassin who brings extreme violence to his doorstep. Another thing that makes the show feel like perhaps they filled in some of the plot with an AI program. But, hey, I’m hoping they got some notes to tighten up the narratives, kill off the relationship stuff and focus on the plotting and scheming. Sounds like a plan to me.