New American

The Dutch

The Dutch

The Dutch is a joint that doesn’t try to be anything other than what it is. How’s that for a non-committal, god-awful intro to a…

Hundred Acres

CLOSED From the team that brought you Cookshop and Five Points¬†(R.I.P.) comes my latest foray into the sustainable world of coziness. And, yes, Hundred Acres…

Union Square Cafe

Union Square Cafe

[CLOSED] I worked right across the street from this place for like two years. I watched people from my offices’ window eat burgers and whatnot…

Tenement

Tenement

[CLOSED] The name of this joint certainly doesn’t inspire confidence. It brings about visions of supping at a card table in a dirty, narrow hallway…

Tabla

Tabla

[CLOSED] Let me just start off by saying we walked through the doors at this place pretty much completely bombed. Why the hell would you…

Sweetwater

Sweetwater Restaurant

And here is Mr. Hipster in the ultimate hipster neighborhood eating dinner while the babysitter-meter churns and churns back at the homestead. So un-hip. But…

Punch

Punch

Oooh, I love clowns! Not really. Unfortunately for 99% of the population, there is nothing more repulsive than clowns–and the French. Punch combines the two…

The Place

The Place

[CLOSED] Who knew the little rainbow sticker on the window meant free neck rubs for all male guests!? I would have come here ages ago….

Gramercy Tavern

Gramercy Tavern

It’s about time we at The Survey got some fuckin’ class. Seriously, you can’t get any further from the taco joints and burger chains that…

Perilla

Perilla

[CLOSED] I suppose you could call the chef at the helm of Perilla a “celebrity.” After all, Chef Harold Dieterle won the first season of…

Pazo

Pazo

[CLOSED] My first mistake was listening to the suggestion on Pazo’s website that I wear a jacket to this joint. I wear jackets only to…

Park Avalon

Park Avalon

[CLOSED] Think of it as an airplane hangar with a good interior decorator. This remarkably down-to-earth, whatever-this-neigborhood-is-called, eatery looks forboding with its high ceilings and…

The Park

The Park

No, we didn’t eat here. Honestly, spending enough time in this place to eat an entire meal seems like a soul-sucking event that we want…

Kitchen 82

Kitchen 82

[CLOSED] The concept behind this place is actually kinda cool. Charlie Palmer (who I originally thought was that old golfer with the funny pants and…

Jimmy's No. 43

Jimmy’s No. 43

Everything at this joint screams good time. Some sort of vaguely Belgian theme combined with a kind of Arthurian rusticness and close subterranean quarters and…

Gotahm Bar & Grill

Gotham Bar and Grill

One Star Wars geek claimed it was like “having a meal in the beautiful expanse of Cloud City” while others liken it to “the kind…

Etats Unis

Etats Unis

[CLOSED] Calling this place small is like saying that Tom DeLay is kind of an asshole–an understatement of epic proportions. To make matters worse, the…

Essex

Essex

The first thing we noticed about Essex is the cool, double-decker space. It looks like one of those loft spaces you dream about stealing for…

Eleven Madison Park

Eleven Madison Park

Now this is a New York restaurant! Set in an old art deco space, complete with cool, carved metal and antique light fixtures, one feels…

Eighty One

[CLOSED] The first thing that strikes you about this place is the awesome bordello-like cheesiness of the surroundings. The big banquets decked out in what…

Devin Tavern

Devin Tavern

[CLOSED] I must admit that this was a completely random choice for a Saturday night. Slogging through the rain and wind, we shook ourselves like…

Cookshop

Cookshop

The stomach flu is a bitch. It can turn what is a perfectly pleasant meal into a study in persistent denial and peristalogical (to coin…

Colicchio & Sons

Colicchio & Sons

[CLOSED] It was with much hesitance that we came back to the scene of one of the most expensive, and most disappointing meals of our…