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Three Pines

by mr. hipster January 29, 2023
January 29, 2023
Three Pines
70
Three Pines
Genre: Police Drama
Service: Prime Video
Series Year: 2022
Watch: Prime Video

This image of Chief Inspector Armand Gamache (Alfred Molina) sheepishly peeking out from behind a skinny tree that clearly isn’t hiding shit is kind of an encapsulation of this entire series. There’s a… Canadian-ness to the show that goes beyond twee and into a weird, quiet that borders on politeness. Gamache, despite investigating murders, speaks as if he’s inspecting a bakery for health code violations. Or interviewing an old lady with a missing cat. Perhaps this is a choice by Molina, but more likely it’s just the strange, stilted approach the show’s creators chose for it.

And, look, I don’t need all my cop, mystery series to be gritty or shoot-y, or edgy, or even… good. But this series is just boring. Like truly a drag. Molina quietly walks up to things and points to them in a calm, quiet voice and talks about how a woman was electrocuted in a metal lawn chair while sitting watching a curling match. Curling. Literally the most boring of all “sports.” The whole thing feels like a police procedural for grannies. Over the eight episodes there is one disappearance and three murders. The disappearance is of a young indigenous girl and runs parallel with the entirety of the season, but the other three all take place in the town of Three Pines, an isolated small village somewhere in Canada. Each of the three murders is set up as a two-episode investigation, spanning the last six of eight episodes. It’s all very neat and tidy. Kind of like the show itself.

I’m honestly not sure what the vibe of this thing is supposed to be. At first I thought they might be setting it up as an almost magical realism thing. Or like a Northern Exposure. Or even something akin to Twin Peaks. But that was probably just me projecting the similarish location of the two shows on this one. It turns out this series has none of the humor, quirkiness or even the weirdness of either. Instead, it’s just a straight ahead, slow TV version of Law & Order. But without any of the stakes. In fact, the underlying case of the missing indigenous girl was original to the series from the adapted books to give the things any stakes whatsoever. It is literally the only plot point that adds emotion or intrigue to any part of the show. Otherwise it’s a bunch of goofy Canadians in a very small town who lie about liking each other and someone ends up dead every few weeks. While the least-intimidating cop on Earth shows up with a couple deputies to poke around and eventually fall into a solve.

On top the fact things are not exactly scintillating, the production is not what one would call top-notch. It all feels a little pokey. Like the budget was provided by public funding and not a large corporate entity. As if they looked for ways to cut corners and keep production budgets low. But maybe this is all part of the insular and small feel they were going for. The minimal cast. The isolation. The dearth of locations. And I know this is probably sacrilege, but I just don’t enjoy what they probably feel is the big draw: Alfred Molina. There’s something about his acting style and delivery that I find off-putting. His performance in this isn’t like Doc Ock level annoying, but there’s just something about him that comes across as not natural. As if you can see him reading the script in his brain and not delivering it in the way you’d hoped he would. I understand his character is supposed to be calm and pseudo-French or whatever, but the choice to be just straight-up dull is kind of a weird one. For him. For the show. For us.

2022Alfred MolinaAnna TierneyElle-Máijá TailfeathersJulian BaileyMystery DramaPolice DramaPrime VideoRossif SutherlandSarah Booth
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      Movie Reviews
      Mountainhead

      July 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Fountain of Youth

      June 24, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      A Different Man

      June 10, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Problemista

      May 22, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Flipside

      May 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      The Gorge

      March 2, 2025

  • Books
    • Book Reviews
      Trust

      June 19, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Razorblade Tears

      May 24, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Plot

      March 14, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Maximum Bob

      February 17, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Sympathizer

      January 6, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Zone of Interest

      July 12, 2024

      Book Reviews
      Klara and the Sun

      April 13, 2024

  • Podcasts
    • Podcast Reviews
      The Wedding Scammer

      March 1, 2025

      Podcast Reviews
      Search Engine

      November 27, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Hysterical

      August 30, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      60 Songs That Explain the ’90s

      March 31, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Otherworld

      February 29, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Behind the Bastards

      February 13, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Time Crisis

      January 26, 2024

  • Booze & Grub
    • Booze & Grub ReviewsBooze & Grub: NYCBooze & Grub: NJThe NYC Booze & Grub GraveyardThe NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Westville Hudson

      April 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Five Guys – Midtown West

      January 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Jaz Indian Cuisine

      December 23, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Just Salad – Hudson Square

      November 13, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      August 9, 2022

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The Press Box Restaurant & Pub

      August 3, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Natureworks – Midtown

      May 6, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The National Bar & Dining Rooms

      April 10, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Hillstone – Midtown

      March 5, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Connolly’s Pub & Restaurant – 5th Ave.

      February 12, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      July 21, 2024

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Scala del Nonna

      February 15, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Diesel & Duke – Montclair

      January 30, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza

      September 14, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Junior’s Cheesesteaks & Shakes

      December 21, 2020

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Vanillamore

      June 13, 2020

  • Randomness
    • Travel Reviews
    • Video Game Reviews
    • Product Reviews
    • Odd Finds
    • Diary