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The Day After Tomorrow

by mr. hipster June 4, 2004
June 4, 2004
The Day After Tomorrow
76
The Day After Tomorrow
2004 ∙ Sci-Fi ∙ 2h 4min

I seem to see about two movies a year in the theater these days. I don’t know what the hell has happened other than my life has gotten very busy and I find that there are very few movies out there that seem worth the time and money it takes to get my ass in the theater. So what movie do I waste one of my two trips on? That’s right, a movie based on a book by notorious crackpot, Art Bell, about some giant storm that is supposed to come and wipe out the world. And I see it on opening night at the Ziegfeld no less.

Not to mention the movie is written and directed by disaster film expert and notorious ra-ra American cheese-master, Roland Emmerich (who is, oddly enough, a German). The man that brought us both Godzilla and Independence Day is not really stretching his skill set with another big-budget, big-effects summer popcorn movie where shit explodes, people die and the truly cheesy rise to the occasion.

I didn’t walk into this movie with any expectations of it being a fine film, but what I found defied even my standards of absurdity and hokiness. Why the Sierra Club thought the message about global warning in the movie was serious enough to warrant handing out leaflets to theatergoers as they stood in line is beyond me. After all, this movie wasn’t about the ramifications of our lackluster environmental policy, but an excuse for the folks at whatever studio to destroy Los Angeles and New York City in a blaze of CGI glory.

The ensemble cast brings back all the characters you loved in ID4. You even get Randy Quaid’s brother, Dennis, as the workaholic (instead of alcoholic) father who, again, realizes that all he wants to do is make his son proud of him and fulfill a promise he made him after spending too much time with his work and not enough time raising his kid. And then the wackiness starts. While on an expedition in the North Pole, Jack Hall (of course his name is Jack) witnesses global warming first-hand as the ice shelf he’s researching literally splits in half”or something. What a coincidence.

He proceeds to go back to the world and share his findings with world leaders, who, of course, don’t believe any of his nonsense. And, truly, neither do I. And this is where the problems start. There is absolutely no sense of time in this movie. From what I can tell, the effects of global warming start like two days later as giant hailstones fall in Japan, and then tornados destroy Los Angeles, and then all hell breaks loose. And by hell I mean silliness.

Among the stupidity are some horrible CGI arctic wolves who somehow survive the giant NYC flood to attack our heroes. Jack manages to drive from D.C. to Philadelphia on “impassable” roads in route to rescue his son, Sam, in New York City (of course that’s his name). Jack then walks from Philly to Manhattan in a blinding blizzard, dragging one of his injured compadres half of the way (in a toboggan that mysteriously appears out of nowhere). As I mentioned earlier, we have no sense of time in the movie, so this walk seems to take about a day or two (although it’s most likely supposed to have been longer).

Let’s see… Our hero, Jack, sits in just a turtleneck in a thin, little tent in the same weather that is causing people inside a giant stone edifice to almost freeze to death. There’s some sort of bizarro weather condition in which the eye of the giant storm opens up overhead and everything below it freezes instantly. We actually see as the cold descends from the sky to freeze everything in its path. This phenomenon freezes oceans and giant, steel buildings, but can apparently be stopped by a simple wooden door. Who knew?

The US president’s big plan to deal with the storm is to evacuate the southern half of the United States to Mexico. Now there’s a plan! That, of course, leaves the northern half to freeze to death in their homes. Luckily he doesn’t have to worry about re-election because surprisingly (!) he is the last person to be evacuated from the White House and dies in the storm. Somehow Jack’s wife leaves a D.C. hospital hours after the president and manages to get herself all the way down to Mexico in the back of an ambulance with a poor cancer kid in tow. Ugh.

There are so many more terrible gaps in logic and sloppy script points, I don’t have enough memory in my computer to hold them all. Of course everything ends happy for our family and the triumphant Americans, but nobody seems overly distraught that about 90% of the people in the northern hemisphere are dead. Oh joy! There is basically no plot going on here, and as is the norm these days with a lot of Hollywood movies, the thing relies on special effects to fool the audience into thinking somebody actually put some effort into making a quality piece of work. The shit is sloppy and careless and a total abomination–but if you want to see a giant tidal wave destroy Manhattan, you could do worse.

2004Dennis QuaidIan HolmJake GyllenhaalRoland EmmerichSci-FiSela Ward
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Directors

Aaron Moorhead Aaron Schneider Aaron Sorkin Adam McKay Adrienne Shelly Alan Rudolph Alejandro Amenábar Alex Garland Alex Gibney Alex Proyas Alexander Payne Alfonso Cuarón Anand Tucker Andrew Adamson & Vicky Jenson Andrew Stanton Andy & Larry Wachowski Ang Lee Anthony Minghella Antoine Fuqua Anton Corbijn Ari Aster Baltasar Kormákur Banksy Ben Affleck Benjamin Statler Bennett Miller Ben Younger Bill Paxton Billy Ray Bong Joon Ho Brad Anderson Brad Bird Brad Silberling Brian Koppelman & David Levien Bruno Barreto Burr Steers Byron Howard Cameron Crowe Casey Affleck Celine Song Chad Stahelski Chan-wook Park Charlie Kaufman Charlie McDowell Chris & Paul Weitz Chris Caldwell Chris McKay Chris Wilcha Chris Williams Christopher Guest Christopher McQuarrie Christopher Nolan Christos Nikou Clint Eastwood Colin Trevorrow Cord Jefferson Craig Gillespie Craig Zobel Curtis Hanson D.J. Caruso Damien Chazelle Dan Myrick Danièle Thompson Daniels Danny Boyle Danny Leiner Dan Rush Darren Aronofsky Daryl Wein David Ayer David Burton Morris David Cronenberg David Fincher David Gordon Green David Koepp David Leitch David Mackenzie David Mamet David O. Russell David Robert Mitchell Denis Villeneuve Dennis Dugan Doug Liman Drew Barrymore Duncan Jones Edgar Wright Ed Sanchez II Edward Zwick Elijah Bynum Emerald Fennell Emmanuel Osei-Kuffour Ethan Coen Fenton Bailey & Randy Barbato Forest Whitaker Frank Oz Gary Winick Gene Stupnitsky George Clooney George Lucas George Nolfi Geremy Jasper Glenn Ficarra Glenn Triggs Gore Verbinski Greg Mottola Greta Gerwig Guillermo del Toro Guy Ritchie Henry Rubin & Dana Shapiro Isaac Ezban Ivan Reitman J.P. Schaefer Jake Kasdan James Cameron James Gray James Gunn James Mangold James Ward Byrkit Jared Hess Jason Reitman Jay Roach Jean-Pierre Jeunet Jeff Rowe Jeff Tomsic Jennifer Kent Jeremy Saulnier Jesse Eisenberg Jesse Peretz Joel & Ethan Coen Joel Schumacher Joe Swanberg Joe Wright John Crowley John Duigan John Hamburg John Krasinski John Landis John Lee Hancock John Requa John Waters Jonathan Demme Jonathan Glazer Jonathan Goldstein Jonathan Levine Jon Watts Jordan Peele Joseph Kosinski Judd Apatow Julian Schnabel Julio Torres Justin Benson Justine Triet Kay Cannon Kenneth Lonergan Kenya Barris Kerry Conran Kevin Macdonald Kevin Phillips Kevin Rodney Sullivan Kevin Smith Kimberly Pierce Kristoffer Borgli Lars von Trier Lasse Hallström Lee Tamahori Liev Schreiber Lila Neugebauer Lorcan Finnegan Luca Guadagnino Lynne Ramsay M. Night Shyamalan Marcel Langenegger Mark Mylod Mark Pellington Mark Waters Martin McDonagh Martin Scorsese Mary Harron Matthew Bright Matthew Vaughn Matt Reeves Matt Stone Max Barbakow Michael Bay Michael Lembeck Michael Mann Michael McCullers Michael Moore Michael Ritchie Michael Schwartz Michel Gondry Mike Flanagan Mike Nichols Morgan J. Freeman Morten Tyldum Neil LaBute Neill Blomkamp Nicholas Stoller Nicolas Winding Refn Niels Mueller Noah Baumbach Oliver Stone Oliver Thompson Olivia Wilde Olivier Assayas Patty Jenkins Paul Feig Paul Greengrass Paul Haggis Paul Schrader Paul Thomas Anderson Paul Weitz Peter Berg Peter Jackson Peter Sollett Philip Kaufman Phillip Noyce Pierre Morel Quentin Tarantino Rawson Marshal Thurber Reginald Hudlin Reverge Anselmo Rian Johnson Richard Ayoade Richard Linklater Richard Shepard Ridley Scott Rob Bowman Robert Ben Garant Robert De Niro Robert Lee King Robert Rodriguez Robert Schwentke Rod Lurie Roger Donaldson Roger Michell Roland Emmerich Roman Polanski Ron Howard Rose Glass Ryan Murphy Safdie Brothers Sam Esmail Sam Mendes Sarah Adina Smith Scott Derrickson Scott Walker Sean Baker Seth Gordon Shane Carruth Shawn Levy Sidney Lumet Spike Jonze Spike Lee Stephen Frears Steven Soderbergh Steven Spielberg Steve Pink Sydney Pollack Sylvester Stallone Taika Waititi Tamara Jenkins Terry Zwigoff Thomas McCarthy Tim Burton Timur Bekmambetov Todd Field Todd Haynes Todd Phillips Todd Solondz Tony Scott Trey Parker Troy Miller Tyler Nilson Vince Gilligan Wes Anderson Yimou Zhang Yorgos Lanthimos Zach Braff Zack Snyder Zeek Earl Zoe Lister-Jones

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Mr. Hipster
  • TV
    • TVTelevision ReviewsGood / Bad Commercial
      Television Reviews
      Your Friends & Neighbors: Season 1

      July 3, 2025

      Television Reviews
      The Last of Us: Season 2

      June 24, 2025

      Television Reviews
      MobLand: Season 1

      June 13, 2025

      Good / Bad Commercial
      The More You Know: How to Pronounce “Comfortable”…

      June 10, 2025

      Television Reviews
      The Studio: Season 1

      June 3, 2025

      Television Reviews
      The Residence

      May 30, 2025

      Television Reviews
      Your Friends & Neighbors: Season 1

      July 3, 2025

      Television Reviews
      The Last of Us: Season 2

      June 24, 2025

      Television Reviews
      MobLand: Season 1

      June 13, 2025

      Television Reviews
      The Studio: Season 1

      June 3, 2025

      Television Reviews
      The Residence

      May 30, 2025

      Television Reviews
      Zero Day

      April 30, 2025

      Good / Bad Commercial
      The More You Know: How to Pronounce “Comfortable”…

      June 10, 2025

      Good / Bad Commercial
      Bad Commercial: Mattress Firm “Jumbled Up”

      August 10, 2023

      Good / Bad Commercial
      Good Commercial: JUBLIA “Dad’s Toenails”

      February 20, 2023

      Good / Bad Commercial
      Bad Commercial: J.G. Wentworth “Living at Home”

      December 19, 2021

      Good / Bad Commercial
      Bad Commercial: Apple iPhone 12 “Fumble”

      April 15, 2021

      Good / Bad Commercial
      Good Commercial: GEICO “Tag Team Helps With Dessert”

      March 15, 2021

  • Music
    • MusicAlbum ReviewsThe Music ListConcert Reviews
      Album Reviews
      Turnstile: Never Enough

      July 8, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Lifeguard: Ripped and Torn

      June 28, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Cameron Winter: Heavy Metal

      June 17, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Mclusky: the world is still here and so…

      June 16, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Origami Angel: Feeling Not Found

      June 12, 2025

      Album Reviews
      PUP: Who Will Look After the Dogs?

      June 2, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Turnstile: Never Enough

      July 8, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Lifeguard: Ripped and Torn

      June 28, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Cameron Winter: Heavy Metal

      June 17, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Mclusky: the world is still here and so…

      June 16, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Origami Angel: Feeling Not Found

      June 12, 2025

      Album Reviews
      PUP: Who Will Look After the Dogs?

      June 2, 2025

      The Music List
      The Grunge Diaspora

      August 15, 2024

      The Music List
      I Still Own a Lot of CDs

      June 13, 2024

      The Music List
      Top Listens 2023

      January 1, 2024

      The Music List
      In Defense of: OMC’s “How Bizarre”

      July 18, 2021

      The Music List
      Top 25 Influential Rock Albums

      May 1, 2020

      The Music List
      In Defense Of: Ruben Studdard’s “Sorry 2004”

      December 29, 2019

      Concert Reviews
      The Get Up Kids @ Starland Ballroom

      February 27, 2025

      Concert Reviews
      The Dirty Nil @ White Eagle Hall

      January 26, 2025

      Concert Reviews
      The Beths @ White Eagle Hall

      September 26, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Pearl Jam @ MSG

      September 9, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Cloud Nothings @ (Le) Poisson Rouge

      May 15, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Band of Horses @ The Wellmont Theater

      February 13, 2024

  • Movies
    • Movie Reviews
      Mountainhead

      July 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Fountain of Youth

      June 24, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      A Different Man

      June 10, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Problemista

      May 22, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Flipside

      May 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      The Gorge

      March 2, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      A Real Pain

      January 31, 2025

  • Books
    • Book Reviews
      Trust

      June 19, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Razorblade Tears

      May 24, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Plot

      March 14, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Maximum Bob

      February 17, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Sympathizer

      January 6, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Zone of Interest

      July 12, 2024

      Book Reviews
      Klara and the Sun

      April 13, 2024

  • Podcasts
    • Podcast Reviews
      The Wedding Scammer

      March 1, 2025

      Podcast Reviews
      Search Engine

      November 27, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Hysterical

      August 30, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      60 Songs That Explain the ’90s

      March 31, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Otherworld

      February 29, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Behind the Bastards

      February 13, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Time Crisis

      January 26, 2024

  • Booze & Grub
    • Booze & Grub ReviewsBooze & Grub: NYCBooze & Grub: NJThe NYC Booze & Grub GraveyardThe NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Westville Hudson

      April 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Five Guys – Midtown West

      January 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Jaz Indian Cuisine

      December 23, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Just Salad – Hudson Square

      November 13, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Quality Pizza Co. Midtown

      September 10, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      SGD Dubu So Gong Dong Tofu & BBQ…

      May 9, 2025

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      August 9, 2022

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The Press Box Restaurant & Pub

      August 3, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Natureworks – Midtown

      May 6, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The National Bar & Dining Rooms

      April 10, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Hillstone – Midtown

      March 5, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Connolly’s Pub & Restaurant – 5th Ave.

      February 12, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      July 21, 2024

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Scala del Nonna

      February 15, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Diesel & Duke – Montclair

      January 30, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza

      September 14, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Junior’s Cheesesteaks & Shakes

      December 21, 2020

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Vanillamore

      June 13, 2020

  • Randomness
    • Travel Reviews
    • Video Game Reviews
    • Product Reviews
    • Odd Finds
    • Diary