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Wonder Woman 1984

by mr. hipster January 9, 2021
January 9, 2021
Wonder Woman 1984
68
Wonder Woman 1984
Genre: Superhero
Director: Patty Jenkins
Release Year: 2020
Runtime: 2h 31min

I think the person most excited for Wonder Woman 1984 was Hipster Jr. Despite being born exactly twenty years after the timeline of this film. He seems to be more a fan of Gal Gadot that the Wonder Woman franchise, but teen boys gonna teen. The rest of us were excited to see it mostly because the first Wonder Woman movie was fun, but more so because we are starved for new movies during lockdown and it’s amazing that HBO decided to premier a huge blockbuster on the small screen for us home-bound people to view. For free.

And, as it turns out, you get what you pay for. A complete, overly-long garbled mess of a movie that I’m honestly shocked got made. No, seriously, this thing is a total train wreck from start to finish. It’s a movie intentionally placed in a year that, aside from a couple 80s gags about parachute pants and fanny packs, plays no role other than maybe for marketing to us Gen-Xers and some nostalgia hounds out there. It’s a movie about Wonder Woman (her name is right there in the title) that has very little Wonder Woman in it. It’s a superhero movie whose hero is, quite frankly, boring.

This is all minor in comparison with the plot, though. The dumbest of plots. Embarrassing, really. And this is it: there is a stone that grants wishes, and a wimpy woman and a conman get ahold of it. That’s literally it. The wimpy woman (Kristen Wiig) works with Diana Prince/Wonder Woman at the museum and wishes offhandedly in front of said stone to be like her. You know, because she’s beautiful and confidant and smart. The stone grants her the wish, unbeknownst to her that Diana is a God, so literally “being like her” means a lot more than just being confidant, beautiful and smart. Ha, wacky! Then the conman, Maxwell Lord (Pedro Pascal), figures out the power of the stone and does all sorts of wishing that makes no sense. Meanwhile — and I shit you not – Diana wishes for her boyfriend back [from the dead]. Yes, she wishes for Chris Pine. But instead of Chris Pine, she gets Chris Pine in some actor dude named Kristoffer Polaha’s body. Why him? Who knows. The whole thing is stupid.

Meanwhile, Wonder Woman’s powers have grown to the point where she can apparently fly. Maybe with the help of her giant CGI lasso, but maybe just because she’s aerodynamic? I don’t understand or really care. But it makes for a “fun” scene in a mall where she saves some kids and stuff from a team of bandits dumb enough to try to rob like a mall Zales that for some reason has the aforementioned stone in it. The scene just seemed like an overly long excuse to use a mall (because, duh, it’s 1984) and to demonstrate WW’s new fancy lasso. I guess?

So, Wonder Woman is boring and almost inconsequential. Steve Trevor has become the dufus, comic relief in someone else’s body. Because the guy-who’s-been-dead-since-1918-who-comes-back-in-1984 is great for those fish-out-of-water yucks. And Kristen Wiig’s Barbara Minerva/Cheetah is a throw-away at best. So we’re left with Maxwell Lord’s character who pulls the old “I wish for infinity more wishes” thing. Literally. He then uses those wishes to somehow work his way into the highest echelons of the US government and almost blows up the world. Because the stone isn’t a one-way street. With every wish, it takes something away from you. Or from someone else? Or something like that — it seems to be super-inconsistent. Just like the rest of the movie.

They then spin this all into some asinine world-wide thing where people are getting their wishes granted just by uttering them out loud. Which, as they kind-of, sort-of established, comes with consequences. And the whole world goes to shit not because of a giant alt-universe worm or whatever attacking NYC, but by people just saying stuff. But, luckily, it turns out that the answer to Sting’s wish: “I hope the Russians love their children too” is… Maybe? Yes, this is confusing. As is the ending of this film. Well, less confusing than mind-boggling that anyone thought it was a good idea. It makes you wonder if the whole idea of the “Wish Stone” thing was just dreamt up to get Chris Pine into the movie and they were like, “Eh, we’ll figure out how to integrate it later on.” And then they were stuck with this really, really dumb idea to the very end. Even if they basically stole the whole “what if Superman just flies really fast around the Earth backwards” time reversal thing to make everything good again. **Shrug**

2020Chris PineComic BookConnie NielsenDCGal GadotKristen WiigNatasha RothwellPatty JenkinsPedro PascalRobin WrightSuperhero
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©2025 MR. HIPSTER DOT COM ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Mr. Hipster
  • TV
    • TVTelevision ReviewsGood / Bad Commercial
      Television Reviews
      Your Friends & Neighbors: Season 1

      July 3, 2025

      Television Reviews
      The Last of Us: Season 2

      June 24, 2025

      Television Reviews
      MobLand: Season 1

      June 13, 2025

      Good / Bad Commercial
      The More You Know: How to Pronounce “Comfortable”…

      June 10, 2025

      Television Reviews
      The Studio: Season 1

      June 3, 2025

      Television Reviews
      The Residence

      May 30, 2025

      Television Reviews
      Your Friends & Neighbors: Season 1

      July 3, 2025

      Television Reviews
      The Last of Us: Season 2

      June 24, 2025

      Television Reviews
      MobLand: Season 1

      June 13, 2025

      Television Reviews
      The Studio: Season 1

      June 3, 2025

      Television Reviews
      The Residence

      May 30, 2025

      Television Reviews
      Zero Day

      April 30, 2025

      Good / Bad Commercial
      The More You Know: How to Pronounce “Comfortable”…

      June 10, 2025

      Good / Bad Commercial
      Bad Commercial: Mattress Firm “Jumbled Up”

      August 10, 2023

      Good / Bad Commercial
      Good Commercial: JUBLIA “Dad’s Toenails”

      February 20, 2023

      Good / Bad Commercial
      Bad Commercial: J.G. Wentworth “Living at Home”

      December 19, 2021

      Good / Bad Commercial
      Bad Commercial: Apple iPhone 12 “Fumble”

      April 15, 2021

      Good / Bad Commercial
      Good Commercial: GEICO “Tag Team Helps With Dessert”

      March 15, 2021

  • Music
    • MusicAlbum ReviewsThe Music ListConcert Reviews
      Album Reviews
      Turnstile: Never Enough

      July 8, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Lifeguard: Ripped and Torn

      June 28, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Cameron Winter: Heavy Metal

      June 17, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Mclusky: the world is still here and so…

      June 16, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Origami Angel: Feeling Not Found

      June 12, 2025

      Album Reviews
      PUP: Who Will Look After the Dogs?

      June 2, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Turnstile: Never Enough

      July 8, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Lifeguard: Ripped and Torn

      June 28, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Cameron Winter: Heavy Metal

      June 17, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Mclusky: the world is still here and so…

      June 16, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Origami Angel: Feeling Not Found

      June 12, 2025

      Album Reviews
      PUP: Who Will Look After the Dogs?

      June 2, 2025

      The Music List
      The Grunge Diaspora

      August 15, 2024

      The Music List
      I Still Own a Lot of CDs

      June 13, 2024

      The Music List
      Top Listens 2023

      January 1, 2024

      The Music List
      In Defense of: OMC’s “How Bizarre”

      July 18, 2021

      The Music List
      Top 25 Influential Rock Albums

      May 1, 2020

      The Music List
      In Defense Of: Ruben Studdard’s “Sorry 2004”

      December 29, 2019

      Concert Reviews
      The Get Up Kids @ Starland Ballroom

      February 27, 2025

      Concert Reviews
      The Dirty Nil @ White Eagle Hall

      January 26, 2025

      Concert Reviews
      The Beths @ White Eagle Hall

      September 26, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Pearl Jam @ MSG

      September 9, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Cloud Nothings @ (Le) Poisson Rouge

      May 15, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Band of Horses @ The Wellmont Theater

      February 13, 2024

  • Movies
    • Movie Reviews
      Mountainhead

      July 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Fountain of Youth

      June 24, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      A Different Man

      June 10, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Problemista

      May 22, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Flipside

      May 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      The Gorge

      March 2, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      A Real Pain

      January 31, 2025

  • Books
    • Book Reviews
      Trust

      June 19, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Razorblade Tears

      May 24, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Plot

      March 14, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Maximum Bob

      February 17, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Sympathizer

      January 6, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Zone of Interest

      July 12, 2024

      Book Reviews
      Klara and the Sun

      April 13, 2024

  • Podcasts
    • Podcast Reviews
      The Wedding Scammer

      March 1, 2025

      Podcast Reviews
      Search Engine

      November 27, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Hysterical

      August 30, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      60 Songs That Explain the ’90s

      March 31, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Otherworld

      February 29, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Behind the Bastards

      February 13, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Time Crisis

      January 26, 2024

  • Booze & Grub
    • Booze & Grub ReviewsBooze & Grub: NYCBooze & Grub: NJThe NYC Booze & Grub GraveyardThe NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Westville Hudson

      April 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Five Guys – Midtown West

      January 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Jaz Indian Cuisine

      December 23, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Just Salad – Hudson Square

      November 13, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Quality Pizza Co. Midtown

      September 10, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      SGD Dubu So Gong Dong Tofu & BBQ…

      May 9, 2025

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      August 9, 2022

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The Press Box Restaurant & Pub

      August 3, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Natureworks – Midtown

      May 6, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The National Bar & Dining Rooms

      April 10, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Hillstone – Midtown

      March 5, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Connolly’s Pub & Restaurant – 5th Ave.

      February 12, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      July 21, 2024

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Scala del Nonna

      February 15, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Diesel & Duke – Montclair

      January 30, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza

      September 14, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Junior’s Cheesesteaks & Shakes

      December 21, 2020

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Vanillamore

      June 13, 2020

  • Randomness
    • Travel Reviews
    • Video Game Reviews
    • Product Reviews
    • Odd Finds
    • Diary