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24: TV on ‘Roids

by mr. hipster January 18, 2006
January 18, 2006
24
71
24

In the four seasons of 24 Jack Bauer has died twice. His wife was murdered by his future girlfriend, whom he ended up killing in cold blood. He has been a suspect in the assassination attempt of the president and a heroin addict. He has been fired by his counter terrorist unit, CTU, at least ten times, and ended at least one interrogation by beheading the interviewee. He, like the show, is completely earnest and without humor. He constantly squints, scowls and rips into subordinates and superiors. He has killed and/or disabled countless bad guys–and even some good ones. All this, and the man is strangely co-dependent, latching onto a new woman in every new season–a new woman who he will ultimately have to save from some Middle Eastern or Eastern European baddie at some point.

jack bauer
seriously. no, seriously. don’t fuck with me.


The show has utilized a grand total of about 10 locations, reusing the same hillside location several times in each season. If you had never been to Los Angeles, you’d think the whole thing was just rolling, brown hills full of shrubs. Like the locations, plots are the same every year, with little twists thrown in here and there. Inevitably Jack will be accused of something he didn’t do, and he will have to go rogue to both prove his innocence and foil the terrorist plot. Someone he loves will be kidnapped, and someone inside both CTU and the office of the President will turn out to be working in cahoots with the terrorists. How ’bout some background checks here, folks? Someone will “open a socket” and tell Jack that something he’s doing is “against protocol.”

One thing that may actually be the show’s attempt to interject a little inside humor is what seems like the never-ending battle for the upstairs, director’s office at CTU headquarters. Every season someone comes in and displaces someone else from that office, only to be supplanted by another and so on. Of course that’s probably me projecting. Despite the repetitive nature of the plotlines and unsmiling characters, the show is almost better for them. I get giddy with excitement when Jack straps on his Felix the Cat, black messenger bag, cuz I just know he’s going to kick ass. I love that, with the exception of Jack, nobody on the show is safe. They will kill off anybody. They’ve killed women and children. Hell, they’ve killed dogs! The first episode of season five alone, they killed off two major characters.

The driving force behind the absolute awesomeness of the show is Kiefer Sutherland. The man hasn’t cracked a smile in four years. It’s gotten to the point that it’s difficult to separate the actor from his character. At awards shows he seems distant, reserved, suspicious, pissed off, and just a little dangerous. Maybe he’s always been like that, but I swear he’s taken on the persona of Jack Bauer. His supporting cast is hit or miss, with frowning Chloe (Mary Lynn Rajskub from Mr. Show and The Larry Sanders Show) and lisping Edgar (Louis Lombardi from The Sopranos) almost comic relief in a sea of intensity. One of the worst performances ever caught on film was turned in by Dennis Hopper a couple seasons ago as Serbian warlord, Victor Drazen. The man almost single-handedly ruined the acting industry–it was that bad. This year they seem to have gotten it right with the diminutive Sean Astin playing the boss’ boss (and playing it completely straight), the terrific Jean Smart as the bi-polar First Lady and that chick, Connie Britton, from Spin City (the first one of his lady loves to break the 100-pound barrier) as Jack’s latest lady friend. I don’t where they dug up the greasy teenager playing her son, but he seems like another weird bargain basement choice made on a dare or as a favor to one of the show’s producers. There is a rumor that Jack’s hot-as-hell daughter, Elisha Cuthbert, is coming back after a year off. Maybe this year this uneducated nanny, who somehow became a systems analyst for the CIA with no training or experience (nepotism anybody?), will come back as like CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Who knows what will happen in the wacky world of 24? Whatever the case, and no matter how many people they kill off, this show will always be engaging and compelling. It’s one of those shows that its okay to talk through, as you spend half the time laughing out loud, smacking your head and wondering to anyone within shouting distance, “What the hell?! I can’t believe they just did that! This is the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever seen–and I love it!”

jack, the badass
you can’t tell but i’m totally gonna shoot you.
Dennis HopperElisha CuthbertFoxKiefer SutherlandPolitical Thriller SeriesSean Astin
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      May 1, 2020

      The Music List
      In Defense Of: Ruben Studdard’s “Sorry 2004”

      December 29, 2019

      Concert Reviews
      The Get Up Kids @ Starland Ballroom

      February 27, 2025

      Concert Reviews
      The Dirty Nil @ White Eagle Hall

      January 26, 2025

      Concert Reviews
      The Beths @ White Eagle Hall

      September 26, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Pearl Jam @ MSG

      September 9, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Cloud Nothings @ (Le) Poisson Rouge

      May 15, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Band of Horses @ The Wellmont Theater

      February 13, 2024

  • Movies
    • Movie Reviews
      Mickey 17

      July 22, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Mountainhead

      July 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Fountain of Youth

      June 24, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      A Different Man

      June 10, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Problemista

      May 22, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Flipside

      May 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      The Gorge

      March 2, 2025

  • Books
    • Book Reviews
      Trust

      June 19, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Razorblade Tears

      May 24, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Plot

      March 14, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Maximum Bob

      February 17, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Sympathizer

      January 6, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Zone of Interest

      July 12, 2024

      Book Reviews
      Klara and the Sun

      April 13, 2024

  • Podcasts
    • Podcast Reviews
      The Wedding Scammer

      March 1, 2025

      Podcast Reviews
      Search Engine

      November 27, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Hysterical

      August 30, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      60 Songs That Explain the ’90s

      March 31, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Otherworld

      February 29, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Behind the Bastards

      February 13, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Time Crisis

      January 26, 2024

  • Booze & Grub
    • Booze & Grub ReviewsBooze & Grub: NYCBooze & Grub: NJThe NYC Booze & Grub GraveyardThe NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Westville Hudson

      April 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Five Guys – Midtown West

      January 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Jaz Indian Cuisine

      December 23, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Just Salad – Hudson Square

      November 13, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      August 9, 2022

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The Press Box Restaurant & Pub

      August 3, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Natureworks – Midtown

      May 6, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The National Bar & Dining Rooms

      April 10, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Hillstone – Midtown

      March 5, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Connolly’s Pub & Restaurant – 5th Ave.

      February 12, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      July 21, 2024

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Scala del Nonna

      February 15, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Diesel & Duke – Montclair

      January 30, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza

      September 14, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Junior’s Cheesesteaks & Shakes

      December 21, 2020

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Vanillamore

      June 13, 2020

  • Randomness
    • Travel Reviews
    • Video Game Reviews
    • Product Reviews
    • Odd Finds
    • Diary