The Swiss Army Romance

Dashboard Confessional: The Swiss Army Romance

The Swiss Army RomanceScreaming homosexualities! Oh sorry, I can’t help but feel kinda, um, chick-like listening to this album. Some will brand this “emo,” but I can’t help but call it “A Very Special Episode of 91210” music. Can’t you just imagine Brian Austin Green cheating on Tori Spelling while “Screaming Infidelities” plays over the montage of him tearing the top off of some nubile co-ed with his teeth? I mean this is teenage girl, bleeding heart crap. Plus, Chris Carrabba is so, like, cute! This is the kind of stuff that can get under your skin real quick–kind of a whiny version of early Ben Lee. Just Carrabba and his acoustic strumming is okay for about two and a half minutes, but after that you want to grab the thing out of his hand, and, ala Bluto in Animal House, smash the damn thing against the wall. He hits some seriously scrotum shrinking high notes. Whew!