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The Frozen Ground

by mr. hipster December 22, 2021
December 22, 2021
The Frozen Ground
72
The Frozen Ground
Genre: True Crime Thriller
Director: Scott Walker
Release Year: 2013
Runtime: 1h 45min

This is what happens to me on random nights. I open and close the 42 streaming services on my Apple TV and land on some awful-looking movie that has recognizable faces on the poster. And I wonder to myself, “How is it that I had no idea about this Nicolas Cage, John Cusack vehicle?” Of course, the answer is that it’s straight garbage and either lasted two quick days in the theater, or just went straight to video and got lost in the turbulent tides of the Netflix churn. But, despite my promise to myself that I’ll only watch ten minutes to see just how terrible it might be, I end up watching the whole thing. And hating myself so much afterwards.

Also, when did Cusack become the creepy guy? You’d think that would be Cage’s thing. But, no, you put a pair of horn-rims on him and he instantaneously becomes a bizarre, child-molesting weirdo. And then I’m like, wait. Maybe he’s been that dude all along. Craig Schwartz from Being John Malkovich? Creepy-ass puppeteer. And post this movie in Utopia. Creepy-ass biological engineering CEO dude. I’m sure there are some other creepy roles in there — all of which have Cusack wearing that same pair of glasses. Regardless, he’ll always be Lane Meyer, Hoops McCann, Lloyd Dobler and Rob Gordon to me. And, yes, all those characters may have their faults and idiocies, but none of them tied girls up and raped them in his rumpus room. And sorry if this is a spoiler, but it’s pretty evident from minute one that Robert Hansen (Cusack) is your man. Also because this is based on a real serial killer named Robert Hansen. So, yeah.

The frozen ground in Frozen Ground is in reference to the fact the thing takes place in Anchorage, Alaska. And, well, that’s generally where you bury bodies of young women you’ve killed. In the ground. And, like most of this film, that super-literalness abounds. Something happens and that’s what happens. Someone says something and that’s what happens. You think this bizarre dude is kidnapping and murdering girls in his game room and that’s what’s happening. And I think that’s in part because newbie director (and unfortunately named), Scott Walker, made a conscious decision to make this thing feel straight-ahead documentary-ish. Or bio-pic-ish? Though for some reason people look at this mumbling loner and are like, “He seems like an okay guy.” And, I’m sorry to say, perhaps it’s Cusack’s acting. Because he plays the dude in a way that he would be the first suspect if anything happened. If I heard a girl was missing, I’d just point right at him and be like, “That dude did it!”

And then we have Vanessa Hudgens as an underage prostitute (despite being 26 at the time) and 50 Cent as a pimp in a ridiculous wig. And, of course, Nicolas Cage as state trooper Jack Halcombe. Because the lead actor always has to be named Jack. He’s not based on a real person in this particular case, so they almost had to name him Jack. Not Kevin. Or Doug. Or even Jonathan. Nope, it’s Jack (or Sam if you’re getting crazy) or nothing. And all boys must be named Henry. It’s the default on whatever script-writing software these dudes use. Remarkably, Cage is actually okay in the role. He’s not asked to do much as the dogged cop. I’m not sure I buy him as an Alaskan by any measure, but in 2013 he hadn’t quite gotten super-weird looking. So it didn’t distract from his surprisingly low-key performance. Honestly, he just kind of kept his head down, did the work and seemed rather like an actual cop. So good on him.

The rest of it, though, is kind of a large shrug. The narrative gets a little clunky with the pimp stuff and the whole Robert Hanson character is confusing. And it felt like maybe this first-time director couldn’t quite get his head around it either. And directed Cusack poorly. The performance and the whole cadence of the thing is off. And, remember, this was supposed to be a ten-minute excercise for me. So for me to stick around, something has to either be shockingly decent, straight-up bizarre to the point I can’t look away, or confoundingly mediocre. And sometimes so-bad-it’s-good. This one was in the mediocre category. It reminded me of a slightly better version of this absolute garbage TV show, Big Sky, that I tried and failed to get through. It had the same counfounding way of tripping over its own feet when it could have just walked a straight line. Granted, the acting in that show is some of the worst I’ve ever seen. Maybe the worst. So I suppose that just veered into terrible, whereas Frozen Ground cruised in the mediocre lane until the incredibly awkward ending and epilogue where we’re reminded this was based on a real-life serial killer. Who still probably had a better personality than John Cusack.

201350 CentDean NorrisJohn CusackKevin DunnNicolas CageRadha MitchellScott WalkerTrue Crime ThrillerVanessa Hudgens
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      Junior’s Cheesesteaks & Shakes

      December 21, 2020

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Vanillamore

      June 13, 2020

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©2025 MR. HIPSTER DOT COM ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Mr. Hipster
  • TV
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      Your Friends & Neighbors: Season 1

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      Television Reviews
      The Last of Us: Season 2

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      Good / Bad Commercial
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      December 19, 2021

      Good / Bad Commercial
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      Good / Bad Commercial
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      Turnstile: Never Enough

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      Cameron Winter: Heavy Metal

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      Album Reviews
      Turnstile: Never Enough

      July 8, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Lifeguard: Ripped and Torn

      June 28, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Cameron Winter: Heavy Metal

      June 17, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Mclusky: the world is still here and so…

      June 16, 2025

      Album Reviews
      Origami Angel: Feeling Not Found

      June 12, 2025

      Album Reviews
      PUP: Who Will Look After the Dogs?

      June 2, 2025

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      August 15, 2024

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      I Still Own a Lot of CDs

      June 13, 2024

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      January 1, 2024

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      In Defense of: OMC’s “How Bizarre”

      July 18, 2021

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      May 1, 2020

      The Music List
      In Defense Of: Ruben Studdard’s “Sorry 2004”

      December 29, 2019

      Concert Reviews
      The Get Up Kids @ Starland Ballroom

      February 27, 2025

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      January 26, 2025

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      September 26, 2024

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      60 Songs That Explain the ’90s

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      February 29, 2024

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      February 13, 2024

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      January 26, 2024

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      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

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      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

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      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Westville Hudson

      April 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Five Guys – Midtown West

      January 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Jaz Indian Cuisine

      December 23, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Just Salad – Hudson Square

      November 13, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Quality Pizza Co. Midtown

      September 10, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      SGD Dubu So Gong Dong Tofu & BBQ…

      May 9, 2025

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      August 9, 2022

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The Press Box Restaurant & Pub

      August 3, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Natureworks – Midtown

      May 6, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The National Bar & Dining Rooms

      April 10, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Hillstone – Midtown

      March 5, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Connolly’s Pub & Restaurant – 5th Ave.

      February 12, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      July 21, 2024

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Scala del Nonna

      February 15, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Diesel & Duke – Montclair

      January 30, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza

      September 14, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Junior’s Cheesesteaks & Shakes

      December 21, 2020

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Vanillamore

      June 13, 2020

  • Randomness
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    • Odd Finds
    • Diary