Calling this place a cafe is like calling a shit sandwich a meal. I believe they actually have a grilled shit sandwich on the menu, and like everything else at this seaside dump, it probably sucks too. Okay, we should have known the nachos were going to be possibly “the worst ever created on God’s green Earth,” but you figure the fried calamari might be edible–being about 20 feet from the place where squids come from. Yeah, it’s nice sitting outside, smelling the brine and enjoying the garbled accents of the hoards of gawking tourists, but when the turkey burger tastes like a tin of Mighty Dog and the chef salad looks like it may actually contain pieces of the chef, things can turn sour real quick. [MF]

89 South St. @ Pier 17