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What the Hell Did I Just Read

by mr. hipster August 18, 2020
August 18, 2020
What the Hell Did I Just Read
78
What the Hell Did I Just Read
Genre: Horror Fiction
Author: David Wong
Publication Year 2017
Length: 384 pages

Oh David Wong (whose real name is Jason Pargin). You keep sucking me back into your world of comedic body horror and demons. Or supernatural fantasy horror comedy. Or whatever this genre of dildo guns, tactical rubber asses and interdimensional larva is. A description which, as you can imagine, could actually elicit an actual cry of What the Hell Did I Just Read?

Because, honestly, there is so much and so little going on in this book that I finished it and had no idea if I enjoyed it, tolerated it or just kind of hated it. Though hate is a strong term. But, look, it all started a couple novels ago with the relatively well-know, John Dies at the End. It was a clever story with a fresh, original voice that really spoke to me in its nihilistic slacker humor. The follow-up, This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don’t Touch It, had an equally clever title, but the territory it inhabited felt warmed-over only two narratives in. And the dick jokes were overwhelming and not to my taste (so to speak).

In this third go ’round, we have the same protagonists in Dave, John and Amy. We’ve kind of already gotten past the interesting part where we’re introduced to their awful Midwestern town, Undisclosed, and seen the weird connection Dave and John have to all the terrible things that happen in the town. So all there is left to do is do a one-off procedural of sorts. In other words, with all the world-building, lore and character development out of the way, all Wong has left to do is essentially tell a closed-end tale of one particular creature or incident for our protagonists to endure. Which, at least to me, felt a bit like him fulfilling a trilogy publishing contract. Kind of half-assing it. Which is a funny comment if you’ve read the book. If not, it’s not.

I’ll dispense with the narrative other than to say it all takes place in the town of Undisclosed and involves some relatively confusing stuff with some evil entities that can plant false memories in peoples’ heads in order to get them to adopt their pupas. Which will then hatch and destroy the Earth. I think. As usual, John and Dave are mixed up in it and, along with Dave’s one-handed girlfriend, Amy, must save the day. There’s an inordinant number of sex toys and oddball characters. But mostly there’s some convoluted narrative stuff where the characters each tell stories from their perspective. Not like a Rashomon-Style thing, but a kind of inconsistent gimmick that has little to no payoff. Unless I’m missing something — which is completely possible.

This all leads to the moment when the two dudes take the “soy sauce.” A substance we’ve seen in the other novels that gives them the ability to see the creatures for what they are. But instead, in this book, they apparently black out and the gimmick turns into Dude, Where’s My Car? You know, when characters do a bunch of stuff in blackout and then have to piece together the clues they left themselves the night or days before. Wong, knowing that it’s a bit of a direct rip, even has the characters mention the movie in their dialogue. I guess that’s one way to do it.

Thing is, instead of the book being a funny, psychological thing, it turns into more of a shoot-em-up mess. Any twists feel a bit ham-handed and not particularly smart. And it’s obvious Wong has the ability to do smart, but just not here. You do get the sense that some of the David Wong in the story (who, like Pargin, seems to just be a white guy despite the Chinese name) is actually autobiographical, but not necessarily. It seems that this meta-narrative could have been an avenue he could have explored in order to give it the specialness or uniqueness of John Dies at the End, but maybe he just ran out of juice and will reboot with the second in the Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits series, Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick. Or, maybe not…

2017David WongHorror FictionHumorous Fiction
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      June 16, 2025

      The Music List
      The Grunge Diaspora

      August 15, 2024

      The Music List
      I Still Own a Lot of CDs

      June 13, 2024

      The Music List
      Top Listens 2023

      January 1, 2024

      The Music List
      In Defense of: OMC’s “How Bizarre”

      July 18, 2021

      The Music List
      Top 25 Influential Rock Albums

      May 1, 2020

      The Music List
      In Defense Of: Ruben Studdard’s “Sorry 2004”

      December 29, 2019

      Concert Reviews
      The Get Up Kids @ Starland Ballroom

      February 27, 2025

      Concert Reviews
      The Dirty Nil @ White Eagle Hall

      January 26, 2025

      Concert Reviews
      The Beths @ White Eagle Hall

      September 26, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Pearl Jam @ MSG

      September 9, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Cloud Nothings @ (Le) Poisson Rouge

      May 15, 2024

      Concert Reviews
      Band of Horses @ The Wellmont Theater

      February 13, 2024

  • Movies
    • Movie Reviews
      Mickey 17

      July 22, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Mountainhead

      July 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Fountain of Youth

      June 24, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      A Different Man

      June 10, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Problemista

      May 22, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Flipside

      May 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      The Gorge

      March 2, 2025

  • Books
    • Book Reviews
      Trust

      June 19, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Razorblade Tears

      May 24, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Plot

      March 14, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Maximum Bob

      February 17, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Sympathizer

      January 6, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Zone of Interest

      July 12, 2024

      Book Reviews
      Klara and the Sun

      April 13, 2024

  • Podcasts
    • Podcast Reviews
      The Wedding Scammer

      March 1, 2025

      Podcast Reviews
      Search Engine

      November 27, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Hysterical

      August 30, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      60 Songs That Explain the ’90s

      March 31, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Otherworld

      February 29, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Behind the Bastards

      February 13, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Time Crisis

      January 26, 2024

  • Booze & Grub
    • Booze & Grub ReviewsBooze & Grub: NYCBooze & Grub: NJThe NYC Booze & Grub GraveyardThe NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Westville Hudson

      April 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Five Guys – Midtown West

      January 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Jaz Indian Cuisine

      December 23, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Just Salad – Hudson Square

      November 13, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      August 9, 2022

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The Press Box Restaurant & Pub

      August 3, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Natureworks – Midtown

      May 6, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The National Bar & Dining Rooms

      April 10, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Hillstone – Midtown

      March 5, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Connolly’s Pub & Restaurant – 5th Ave.

      February 12, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      July 21, 2024

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Scala del Nonna

      February 15, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Diesel & Duke – Montclair

      January 30, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza

      September 14, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Junior’s Cheesesteaks & Shakes

      December 21, 2020

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Vanillamore

      June 13, 2020

  • Randomness
    • Travel Reviews
    • Video Game Reviews
    • Product Reviews
    • Odd Finds
    • Diary