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Paradou

by mr. hipster January 25, 2016
January 25, 2016
Paradou
69
Paradou
[CLOSED]

I don’t speak French. Like at all. I can say hello and goodbye and thank you. Sort of. Otherwise it’s a giant mush of vowels to me. I would be in big trouble if I were to go to Paris alone. They would hate me for not even trying. But I probably wouldn’t try. A croissant is a croissant. Pommes frites is a thing. And coffee in any language usually sounds something like coffee. So I should be all set. Luckily there is absolutely no need to speak French at Paradou, only to come wanting to drink an unlimited number of champagne-based drinks and sit amongst nine-million twenty-something-year-old girls who have ingested several of said beverages and have upped the gab volume to eleven in order to be heard over the other gabbing girls. And while at some point in my life this would have sounded like an absolute dream, it’s honestly kind of a nightmare — at least until you’ve choked down enough alcohol to make the whole thing tolerable.

Like the pre-Guiliani days of the bottomless-drink special, the day is often less about the food and more about the drinks that come with it. You think we ever went to Caliente in the 90s for the dried-out brunch burgers or shitty chicken sandwiches? No, it was the copious amount of tequila one could imbibe in the two hours they allowed you to sit in one of their plastic chairs along 7th Avenue. This joint is way more pleasant than that, of course, as they really do, in their cutesy Frenchiness, cater to young ladies who lunch. Or, in this case, brunch and drink. The restaurant up front is a tiny box of a place, mostly just a minuscule bar with a holding pen for the crowds waiting to be called out to the back garden where the booze starts to flow. Oh, and the one bathroom that has to service those crowds who are all drinking way too much liquid. That line is a good place to chat with other drunks, of course, but can lead to a lot of leg crossing and awkward moans of relief from the interior after having to wait for ages to get in there.

About those drinks. They’re terrible. Like undrinkable. Sweet concoctions of champagne mixed with fruit juice. Granted I dislike most fruit juices, and bad champagne is one of the worst things on earth. So you can imagine how that went. I ended up distracting my tastebuds with a decent-ish burger and friendly banter with the young ladies who were squeezed in with our group of five dudes in order to choke down some mimosas and something called a Kir Royal, which made me almost vomit. In fact, I believe I actually changed over to beer at some point, abandoning the free booze all together. It was worth it, as we ended up sitting there for just about forever. I feel like, despite being a good century-and-half older than the millennial cadre of ladies and their gay man friends, that we were not frowned upon or looked at like the dirty old men we kind of felt like. While I was originally horrified at my situation, and at times wondered why anyone would drink the concoctions that were being served, it ended up being a lovely day that I didn’t need to travel 8.5 hours on a plane to enjoy.


8 Little West 12th St (bet. 9th Ave & Washington St.)
212/463-8345
paradounyc.com


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      June 19, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Razorblade Tears

      May 24, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Plot

      March 14, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Maximum Bob

      February 17, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Sympathizer

      January 6, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Zone of Interest

      July 12, 2024

      Book Reviews
      Klara and the Sun

      April 13, 2024

  • Podcasts
    • Podcast Reviews
      The Wedding Scammer

      March 1, 2025

      Podcast Reviews
      Search Engine

      November 27, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Hysterical

      August 30, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      60 Songs That Explain the ’90s

      March 31, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Otherworld

      February 29, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Behind the Bastards

      February 13, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Time Crisis

      January 26, 2024

  • Booze & Grub
    • Booze & Grub ReviewsBooze & Grub: NYCBooze & Grub: NJThe NYC Booze & Grub GraveyardThe NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Westville Hudson

      April 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Five Guys – Midtown West

      January 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Jaz Indian Cuisine

      December 23, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Just Salad – Hudson Square

      November 13, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Quality Pizza Co. Midtown

      September 10, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      SGD Dubu So Gong Dong Tofu & BBQ…

      May 9, 2025

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      August 9, 2022

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The Press Box Restaurant & Pub

      August 3, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Natureworks – Midtown

      May 6, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The National Bar & Dining Rooms

      April 10, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Hillstone – Midtown

      March 5, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Connolly’s Pub & Restaurant – 5th Ave.

      February 12, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      July 21, 2024

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Scala del Nonna

      February 15, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Diesel & Duke – Montclair

      January 30, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza

      September 14, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Junior’s Cheesesteaks & Shakes

      December 21, 2020

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Vanillamore

      June 13, 2020

  • Randomness
    • Travel Reviews
    • Video Game Reviews
    • Product Reviews
    • Odd Finds
    • Diary