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Two Boots – East Village

by mr. hipster September 14, 2023
September 14, 2023
Two Boots East Village
71
Two Boots
Neighborhood: East Village
Cuisine: Pizza

Hey, Johnny, do you like spicy pizza? Yes, spicy. Because that’s exactly what you’ll get at Two Boots. Which, as far as I can discern, is called Two Boots to pay homage to Italy and Louisiana. Both of which look vaguely like boots. Because if there’s one state you think of when you think Italian, it’s Louisiana. Right? But you want to hear something really fucked up? They may take that Cajun spice and employ the heat in their sauce, but the pizza itself is New Haven style. Connecticut! But I guess “One Boot and One Boring Rectangle” wouldn’t be a good name for a pizza joint.

So what does one get in a hybrid pizza that is one part Bayou and one part an absolute garbage city in New England? Well, you get something weird and incredibly divisive in the city that gave pizza its US dominance. But, with its cornmeal embedded crust, flavorful sauce and bevy of oddball toppings, you get something unique and, for some, pretty intriguing. It’s essentially a modified bar pie. Crisp with little crust and not a whole lot of cheese. There is no gooeyness to it, no chance the cheese will slide off and scald your chin. You kind of have to hold it underneath because it doesn’t have that heel of crust by which to handle it. It’s not unlike a coal-fired pie, but lacks some of the moisture and lightness you might find in your typical fired pizza. I’m not sure if that’s a dough thing or a cooking technique or what, but it’s just kind of its own thing. That will, if you’re not careful, chew the shit out of the roof of your mouth with its somewhat coarse bottom. And then sting your abrased palate with those aforementioned spices. It’s like a New Haven torture device, that also happens to be Cajun tasty.

Really, there’s only so much I can say about the pizza. It’s specific, and it’s memorable and worth a try if you’re doing NYC pizza taste tests. The real draw — especially in this age of Instagram and whatnot — is the absolutely bonkers mosaic work outside and inside the joint. If you’re easily overwhelmed or put off by chaos, you might want to stay away. Also, if you have anything against celebrities, you won’t like the character names of the pizzas, or some of the artwork on the walls. Almost all of which is dedicated to the idolization of cult actors like Nicolas Cage and Luis Guzmán. And The Beatles, maybe? Whatever you can imagine, imagine more. The whole experience is maximalist. I have to assume all the stuff on the walls and counters and doors and everywhere has been added to over the years and not put in all at once. Nobody is that insane. But it makes for a very carnival-like experience that also probably photographs well.

Oh, my recollection is that I got a Tony Clifton (named after the Andy Kaufman character) slice, which has wild mushrooms, Vidalia onions, sweet red pepper pesto and mozzarella. And a slice of Mr. Pink (named after the Steve Buscemi character from Reservoir Dogs), which has Creole chicken, plum tomatoes, fresh garlic and mozzarella. It’s a lot of stuff, to be sure, but hot-damn if it doesn’t taste goooood. Though I don’t imagine it travels well, or tastes quite as good once it’s been sitting for a while. I am confused, though, why they list the Emily Litella pie in their “meat pizzas” category. It literally has no meat on it, what with breaded eggplant, sweet red pepper pesto, ricotta and mozzarella. I suppose maybe in Louisiana — or Connecticut — eggplant qualifies? I’m not sure, but I don’t ask questions.


42 Ave A (at 3rd St.)
212/254-1919
twoboots.com


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      Fountain of Youth

      June 24, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      A Different Man

      June 10, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Problemista

      May 22, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      Flipside

      May 4, 2025

      Movie Reviews
      The Gorge

      March 2, 2025

  • Books
    • Book Reviews
      Trust

      June 19, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Razorblade Tears

      May 24, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Plot

      March 14, 2025

      Book Reviews
      Maximum Bob

      February 17, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Sympathizer

      January 6, 2025

      Book Reviews
      The Zone of Interest

      July 12, 2024

      Book Reviews
      Klara and the Sun

      April 13, 2024

  • Podcasts
    • Podcast Reviews
      The Wedding Scammer

      March 1, 2025

      Podcast Reviews
      Search Engine

      November 27, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Hysterical

      August 30, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      60 Songs That Explain the ’90s

      March 31, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Otherworld

      February 29, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Behind the Bastards

      February 13, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Time Crisis

      January 26, 2024

  • Booze & Grub
    • Booze & Grub ReviewsBooze & Grub: NYCBooze & Grub: NJThe NYC Booze & Grub GraveyardThe NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Coda Kitchen & Bar

      July 29, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Sweet T’s Southern Eatery – Montclair

      July 24, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Tinga Fresh Mexican & BBQ

      July 23, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Westville Hudson

      April 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Five Guys – Midtown West

      January 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Jaz Indian Cuisine

      December 23, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Just Salad – Hudson Square

      November 13, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Coda Kitchen & Bar

      July 29, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Sweet T’s Southern Eatery – Montclair

      July 24, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Tinga Fresh Mexican & BBQ

      July 23, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      August 9, 2022

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The Press Box Restaurant & Pub

      August 3, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Natureworks – Midtown

      May 6, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The National Bar & Dining Rooms

      April 10, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Hillstone – Midtown

      March 5, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Connolly’s Pub & Restaurant – 5th Ave.

      February 12, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      July 21, 2024

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Scala del Nonna

      February 15, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Diesel & Duke – Montclair

      January 30, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Maple Leaf Diner

      February 10, 2022

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza

      September 14, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Junior’s Cheesesteaks & Shakes

      December 21, 2020

  • Randomness
    • Travel Reviews
    • Video Game Reviews
    • Product Reviews
    • Odd Finds
    • Diary