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The Halal Guys

by mr. hipster June 14, 2019
June 14, 2019
The Halal Guys
79
The Halal Guys
Neighborhood: Midtown West
Cuisine: Halal / Street Meat

Sorry, I know this cart (which is now an army of carts) is popular and supposedly one of the best, but to me it’s straight garbage. Mass produced and inconsistent is not a way to build a following. Though, as far as carts go, this one has some sort of insane PR machine that keeps it constantly in the very small street cart media sphere and has snookered locals and tourists alike that it’s somehow the best the city has to offer in terms of Halal piles of chicken, rice and white sauce.

But let me tell you, it’s all bullshit. If you’ve eaten from as many carts as I have, you’ve seen it all. And perhaps this is a preference thing, but when you cut up your chicken in small, shreddy pieces and then put sauce in it, the whole plate turns into a pile of mush. And there are only two reasons I can think of that a cart wants to make their chicken this unrecognizable. One is that they can disguise how much protein they’re actually giving you. If you cut the stuff really small and spread it over a mound of rice, it looks like you’re getting more than you are. OR — and this is probably more likely — the poultry they’re giving you is of inferior quality. I mean, it’s easy to judge and see what’s going on when carts give you recognizable chunks of chicken. But when you chop it to hell and maybe mix in some cartilage and whatnot, it all kind of becomes more stew-like than something with toothiness that feels like you’re actually eating chicken breast (or even quality thigh).

And can we talk about their white sauce? I’ve witnessed everything over the years. I’ve seen thin sauce. I’ve seen sauce that resembles a yogurt-like raita. Everyone makes their white sauce a little differently. But, really, sometimes it’s the white stuff that makes the plate. But generally it’s decent and/or tolerable. The Halal Guys sauce on the other hand… First, it doesn’t come from a quirt bottle like all the other carts. They actually give you packaged sauce branded with their logo and name. And, let me tell you: you might as well squirt a giant packet of Best Foods on your food. Not only is it weird that it’s packaged, the consistency is way too thick and it essentially tastes like you’re getting a mouthful of slightly tangy mayonnaise. Straight up gross and unacceptable.

Anyway, my advice is to stay away from Big Halal, ignore the Halal Guys PR machine and find a solo vendor who has hung out his shingle and isn’t mass producing his food for the tourists and suckers. Meanwhile, I can literally see the line of Halal Guy carts from my office window and shake my head on a daily basis at the lines that they get to eat their mediocre, mushy product.


W 53rd St @ 6th Ave
thehalalguys.com


 

HalalMidtown WestOpenStreet Meat
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      Klara and the Sun

      April 13, 2024

  • Podcasts
    • Podcast Reviews
      The Wedding Scammer

      March 1, 2025

      Podcast Reviews
      Search Engine

      November 27, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Hysterical

      August 30, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      60 Songs That Explain the ’90s

      March 31, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Otherworld

      February 29, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Behind the Bastards

      February 13, 2024

      Podcast Reviews
      Time Crisis

      January 26, 2024

  • Booze & Grub
    • Booze & Grub ReviewsBooze & Grub: NYCBooze & Grub: NJThe NYC Booze & Grub GraveyardThe NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      McDonald’s (West Village)

      July 10, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      CAVA – 350 Hudson

      June 19, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Westville Hudson

      April 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Five Guys – Midtown West

      January 25, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Jaz Indian Cuisine

      December 23, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NYC
      Just Salad – Hudson Square

      November 13, 2024

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Falafel Hut

      July 12, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Seoul Bistro

      July 4, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Ralph’s Pizzeria and Italian Restaurant

      June 27, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Rooster’s Nashville Hot Chicken

      June 18, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Oso Felipe

      June 6, 2025

      Booze & Grub Reviews: NJ
      Mambo Cuban Restaurant & Lounge Harrison

      May 23, 2025

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      August 9, 2022

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The Press Box Restaurant & Pub

      August 3, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Natureworks – Midtown

      May 6, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      The National Bar & Dining Rooms

      April 10, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Hillstone – Midtown

      March 5, 2021

      The NYC Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Connolly’s Pub & Restaurant – 5th Ave.

      February 12, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard: Gone Before Their…

      July 21, 2024

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Scala del Nonna

      February 15, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Diesel & Duke – Montclair

      January 30, 2023

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Ruthie’s Bar-B-Q & Pizza

      September 14, 2021

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Junior’s Cheesesteaks & Shakes

      December 21, 2020

      The NJ Booze & Grub Graveyard
      Vanillamore

      June 13, 2020

  • Randomness
    • Travel Reviews
    • Video Game Reviews
    • Product Reviews
    • Odd Finds
    • Diary