Why Not Bar[CLOSED] is now: Blue Ruin

Why not barf here? Why not stick a spike in your arm, poop yourself and then stumble out onto Ninth Avenue and take a nap on the filthy sidewalk? After all, that would bring you into the middling majority here at this restless hole of a bar only steps from the darkened western gate of the beautiful Port Authority bus terminal. In fact, happy hour at Why Not includes a free closed-fist punch to the neck and a complimentary paddywagon ride to central booking with every fifth beer. Why else come here if not itching to get socked, cuffed and carted away? We’re not promising you’ll have this kind of fantastical experience every time you come here, as you need to do your part too. The bloodshed and jail time isn’t just going to come to you, you lazy sombitch. You need to mouth off about the neighborhood going to hell or call ex-big-leaguer Luis Soho an indefatigable bum or something. So if you can keep your yap shut, enjoy the company of your little group (and the crappy music), you might just escape with a buzz–and your life. Always be warned that it’s a dangerous idea to mess with a bar that so clearly has an inferiority complex (why not?) and a chip on its shoulder because of it. [MF]

538 9th Ave.