My god, make the boredom stop! Something, anything. When people mention words like generic, derivative and horribly dull, Kelly’s immediately comes to mind. We can only assume that someone somewhere needed a tax shelter. Unfortunately, for the unsuspecting customers who wander into this den of mediocrity (of which there are very few), they must suffer the consequences. The evening we were there, only two of the four beers on tap were working. The single bartender (complete with greasy ponytail and empty gaze) had little or no idea how to change a tap, so patrons sat waiting for their phantom beers, just choking on the boredom. Ordering food sent the whole place into a tailspin. Chicken sandwiches made their appearances after an hour or so, while half poured pints sat unattended below the spitting taps. Even the pool table couldn’t save this place from being a complete disaster. You’d think that when somebody opened a bar, it was a labor of love, a passion to own something and make it yours. Apparently Kelly has better things to do than run his place of business. Maybe he’s off in the land of Suck learning the magical art of sucking the fun from a room like a magical fun-sucking vacuum. [MF]